


Stone Cold

by MXYDXY



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Dark, Drugs, I don't know, I still don't know, I still havent learned to tag, It's just marijuana okay?, Kageyama is (more) abusive, M/M, Many tears have been shed, Or maybe pills?, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, There may or may not be an eventual happy ending, Unstable!Kageyama, eventual kagehina, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-07-16 10:04:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7263532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MXYDXY/pseuds/MXYDXY
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>“You see me standing, but I'm dying on the floor...</em><br/><br/><em>Maybe if I don't cry, I won't feel anymore?</em><br/><br/><em>... I'll take the pain...;</em><br/><br/><em>Me and my heart, we'll make it through...”</em><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>[ An AU where Kageyama is an obsessive, abusive boyfriend... <em>Basically</em>. ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gay? Gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I hate those freaking summaries so much...)
> 
> Prepare for violence and abuse. “*gasp* _ABUSE!?_ ” (You _did_ read that summary up there, right? You should have been prepared for this already.) And like, physical, verbal, emotional, and _maybe_ sexual. I know it's a really bad trigger right there, and I'm already if-fy about sexual abuse like that. So. Like. A really big maybe.
> 
> And also prepare for a hell of a lot of mother fucking cussing up in this fucking bitch.
> 
> You will probably find that the characters you may (or may not) hate in Haikyuu!! will become your best fucking friend in here.  
> (If I get that far, really.)
> 
> Also, when I write things like: (text here), like with parenthesis and usually in all caps and with an exclamation point, then it's supposed to be Hinata's internalized thoughts. Like, when he's looking back on memories/scenarios.

I had been questioning myself the entire school year up until now — I mean, isn't that what _every_ highschooler does? — and, by “questioning myself,” I really mean “questioning my _sexuality_.” No, but let me explain. Everything felt totally normal — haha, what is “normal” nowadays? — the first few weeks of my freshman year: I had been doing okay- _ish_ in the grade department, I had gained a bunch of friends — okay, actually, gaining a bunch of friends isn't normal for me; like, _whatsoever_ ; I've always been limited to counting all my friends on a single hand — I had successfully joined the volleyball team, I had even managed to get a girlfriend... I felt good about myself.

It was only when I had finally kissed said girlfriend that I felt weird. No, no— that I _first_ felt weird — there's a hell of a lot more weirdness to be felt.

I'm not sure I could ever hope to properly explain what I felt when I had pressed my lips against hers, but I just knew it wasn't right. For awhile, I thought it was because that had been my first kiss. I tested my theory — well, really, I kind of actually _wanted_ to, but it would also help me figure out my “weirdness”; you know the whole “killing two birds with one stone,” right? Right. — and kissed her a second time, then a third, a fourth... All the way to a dozen. It didn't feel right. After that, I though that maybe it was just the _person_. So I set off to test my other little theory. I managed to kiss another two girls — oh no! Shouyou's a prostitute! Shut the fuck up. — it still felt... _off_. Some part of me just absolutely _loathed_ kissing them, felt disgusted by it — and even by the _idea_ of it.

It was only when I had caught myself staring at one of my teammates asses that I thought of another other-other theory to test. Initial thought: no, no, no— I can't _possibly_ be gay.

I would soon find out just how wrong I was.

Still, I set off to test my theory. Now, that's easier said than done. First thing I had to do, find a guy that's willing to kiss _another guy_. Sounds simple, but not really. It _would_ be simple if these guys would just come out al-fucking-ready. But, no, they just can't. I spent a whole week just casually trying to see if anyone was talking about being gay or doing gay things. My long episode of eavesdropping resulted in a bunch of sex stories of the guys with girls — out! — a bunch of guys talking about what size breasts they prefer — why is that important—? O-out! — a bunch of guys talking about the pornography they watched and wanted to try — gay? — with their girlfriends or a girl for hire — out! Out! Out! _Out!_. I had just about given up on looking around the school when, after practice and everyone was off going home, I had gone back to the club room because I managed to forget my freaking phone. I heard a prolonged noise coming from the club room. Cliché as hell? _Hell_ yes! Do I care? _Hell. No_.

It was only when I — like any _decent_ , _normal_ human being — took it upon myself to check out said noise that I realized five things:

One, Sugawara has a pretty big dick (hmm); two, the noise I heard was a moan; three, Sugawara and Daichi have a thing going on (hahah, I knew it... okay, well, not _it_ -it, but I knew there was something there! Okay? Okay.); four, since I first noticed some guys dick and appreciated it's size, I was definitely gay; five, I no longer had a need to kiss some guy, it was blatantly obvious... And, um, because of the, y'know, dick thing. And... not because I had... a situation going on downstairs—

L-Lucky for me, they didn't notice I walked in.

(WRONG!)

You can't blame me for walking in one them, really, — it was like they _wanted_ to be seen and found out — since they didn't bother locking the club room — seriously? Rule number one, guys! — and they didn't bother trying to be quiet either and... A very awkward story cut short: I had to swear not to tell anyone. I mean, duh. I wouldn't want to anyway. I'd probably end up mentioning Sugawara's big dick — (FUCK!) — and I wouldn't want to admit that I walked in on the captain and Sugawara fucking; it was on a freaking desk, like, goddamn, they need to wash that shit... A-anyway. I couldn't look them in the eye after that; or, at least, for awhile anyway. Like, weeks. They still don't know I have their numbers saved in my phone as “Sugamama” and “Dadchi”. It only seemed fitting.

After finally recovering from my lovely little discovery — i.e. when I could finally look Sugamama and Dadchi in the eyes — is when I could also find myself looking for some partner. By this time, it being October, I had broken up with my girlfriend — well, actually, I had broken up with her early September... b-but that's not the point! — again, that's easier said than done because some of these fuckers refuse to just freaking come out. Now, I knew that Sugamama and Dadchi were gay or bi or whatever, but they also were with each other and I'm not about to fuck with that shit. So, instead — now it's important I mentioned being able to finally look Sugamama and Dadchi in the eyes! — I went to said people and asked them if they knew anyone who was gay. I totally forgot to add in that I, myself, was gay. (Or maybe, like, not totally gay. Like a little gay? Haha. Yeah, I know, ‘nice joke,’ right? I'm totally fucking megagay.) After them being a little confused and such, I realized I forgot to add that in. Once I did, they were all over me like I told them I was graduating (That part of my future definitely looks very bleak.) or, like, at least getting passing grades (That also looks very bleak...). And after that, they too were off looking for gay or bisexual guys.

They had better luck in a _day_ than I did in an _entire week_.

After practice, Sugamama and Dadchi walked with me to my bike. Apparently the entire fucking team was gay — excluding Tsukishima, Kageyama, and Tanaka; to be expected... — so I had a good amount of gays — ( _guys_. Fuck.) — to pick from. I mean, if they would even go out with me. Surely a couple of them had a boyfriend, right? Either way, _I would be getting myself a boyfriend, and he would be happy to fucking have me_.

Another long, very disappointing story cut short: all of them had boyfriends. You know, like, no, no, no... I'm not mad. I'm fucking fine. This is fine. I mean, why the fuck would you ask if I'm fine? Have you seen me? I'm fine as hell. But, moving on... Lucky for me, they didn't totally get upset with me for asking, and they didn't talk about it. Another week wasted, and Halloween was just in a week. Color me a little irritated because I wanted to go to a damn festival with my fucking boyfriend that I didn't fucking have!

And just when all seemed utterly hopeless and I was about to murder a freaking child— A ray of light, cutting through the darkness!

Kenma had messaged me, saying that he wanted to go to the Halloween festival with his boyfriend — well, shit... — but he continued on to say he didn't even have one, so he was partially hoping to get one at the festival but didn't want to just be walking around alone for awhile, or even for the whole time if his little idea didn't work out. This was my fucking chance, and you know damn well I took that shit! I told him I would go with him. But I didn't ask him to be my boyfriend. No, it'll sound weird and he'll just totally reject me. So, I was planning on just, you know, _casually_ flirting with him here and there and just low-key preventing him from finding some other guy. (I know what that ass looks like, okay? And it was damn well going to be mine!) He replied to me by saying it'd be fun to go together, and maybe we'd end up being on a double-date. Internally I thought: ohh, you son of a bitch. Mother fucker thinking you're going to go for somebody else—But, of course, had to play it cool. So I just told him to tell me where he was going to be at the festival, and that I'd meet him there.

And so I waited for the Halloween festival...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy mother of fuck — you actually read this!  
>  _You fucked up piece of shit..._ e.e (Just kidding, I love you!)
> 
> Ohhh. Did you expect someone to get beat the fuck up in this chapter? Well tough shit. Building process. Abusive relationships start off all sweet and such, because the abuser gets their partner to love them, so when they actually get to abusing them, then they're all hesitant and don't want to (or they're seriously fucking terrified; or both). So, yes, building process.
> 
> Also, can we pardon my horrible freaking notes? Like, I'm bad at this. I think I'm good at it for a few seconds, then I lose that sliver of confidence about halfway through my sentences. ahahaha... hahah... hah... ha...
> 
> A/N: When I cut it in like — (FUCK!) — it was because Hinata just realized he did what he didn't want to wind up doing if he talked about it.


	2. This Is Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!)
> 
>  
> 
> Is it just me, or did my quality drop like 5 degrees? Oh, It was _50_...?? Ookay.

Sugawara stopped me on my way out from practice with a — borderline obnoxiously loud — “Hinata, wait up!” I looked over my shoulder, bag swung over my shoulder, hands in my jacket pockets. The male had an arm extended upward, waving his arm; when he saw I acknowledged him, he dropped his arm. I watched as he jogged across the gym up to me, letting out a quick couple of breaths before patting my shoulder, gesturing me to walk with him. I didn't object — don't see why I would; I was already leaving anyway — just turned to walk out of the gym, walking beside him. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turning my body towards the gym, pointing to it with my thumb. Sugawara noticed I stopped walking a couple seconds later, looking over his shoulder at me, “Oh,” he waved his hand off in a ‘it's nothing’ kind of way. “Daichi's locking up the gym.” I returned my hand to my jacket pocket, walking a little faster to catch up to the silver-haired male.

“So, Hinata, do you have a boyfriend, yet?”

_No, but I have someone on my mind._

I glanced at the taller male through the corner of my eye. “No...” I said simply, already looking forward again.

“You're still looking, yeah?”

“Yeah...” I said, not really liking where this seemed to be heading.

“Were you planning on going to the Halloween Festival, by any chance?”

“Uh... y-yeah...”

“Oh.” He said with a dash of enthusiasm; his interest had peaked. “Are you going with anyone?”

I looked down at the ground as we walked, bringing a hand to brush through the hair in the back of my head before grabbing my neck; a little habit of mine when I'm nervous or being shy. “Uh, yeah.”

“Ohh,” Sugawara drawled out suggestively. I turned my head to look at him, hand still on the back of my neck. We both stopped walking. He was demonstrating _the smirk_. The kind of smirk that said many things, so you always had to know the context prior to seeing it. It could mean ‘I know something that you don't,’ or ‘I know you're lying,’ or ‘I know you're hiding something,’ or ‘I'm thinking of something sexual right now,’ — he only does that with/around Daichi; thank god — or ‘I know exactly how I'm going to take you down,’/‘I know exactly how I'm going to destroy you,’ or ‘I know your secret,’/‘I can figure out your [dirty little] secret,’ or classic ol’ smirk of pure mischief... which is basically applies to all of the listed items.

“Are you going to tell me who?” He asked, still smirking.

“Huh?” I blinked a couple times, realizing that I had been staring at him blankly for a little while. “Oh, right. Sorry.” I looked away, forcing myself to shove my hand back into my jacket pocket because the entire team knows I do that neck thing when I'm nervous or being shy. “I-I was going to go with Kenma.” Sugawara looked like he had just been told the juiciest, most scandalous celebrity gossip. To avoid that look, I started walking towards the bike racks.

He caught up with me, patting my shoulder excitedly. Naturally, I looked over at him. His smirk had transformed into a wide smile, “So, what? Are you planning on hooking up?”

I puffed out my cheeks in a kind of pouty, ‘I wish you hadn't asked that, you ass’ kind of way. “Actually... he said he was going to try and find some guy there... He brought up not wanting to be walking around alone, so I offered to walk with him...”

“Do you think he took that as a hint?”

“Not in the slightest.” I said matter-of-factly, “He continued on to say ‘Maybe we'll end up going on a double-date.’”

“So are you just going to look for someone else?”

“ _Hell_ no.” I said quickly, raising my voice a bit as I turned my head to look at him. I swallowed back, blinking a couple times, looking forward again. I waited a few moments before adding in, “I was, um, going to casually flirt with him — hope he gets _that_ hint — and, um, try and prevent him from hooking up with someone else.”

“But what if he _did_ wind up hooking with someone else.” Sugawara said in a tone that seemed as though he was asking if I was such a terrible person to still try and drag Kenma off to be with me.

“... Then I'd just suck it up,” I said with a shrug, head hanging low at this point. It was very likely Kenma would find someone else— _but_ I would also be next to him the whole time, so I had an advantage there.

“Good.” he said with a sigh of relief, “I thought I would have to smack you right here and now, and also make sure you didn't go to the Halloween Festival. Or, at least, make sure you didn't fuck with Kenma and whatever guy he may or may not get.”

Wow. I was right. He really thought poorly of me for a minute there... I'll just pretend I'm _not_ offended whatsoever. You know, like, I don't care. You know? I ain't even mad. I'm good. I'm fine. Just wondering why he would think poorly of me like that— no, no, it's fine. It's aaaaallll good. No sarcasm intended. _Really_.

“Are you going?” I paused before adding quickly, “W-with Daichi?”

“Oh, no. Not the Halloween Festival, at least. I'm having a get-together at my house.”

“You can just say ‘party...’”

“No, no, no, no!” He said quickly, “If you call it that, then parents are sure to find out.” He said in an almost scolding kind of way.

“Okay, Sugamama,” I grumbled, almost incoherently.

“Hm?” He hummed, looking at me as I got to my bike and went to unchain it.

“I said, ‘Okay, Sugawara.’”

He laughed, “You need to get out of that mumbling habit of yours, Hinata.”

I stood up, putting the lock in my basket, grabbing hold of the handle bars as I started to wheel the bike with me, walking beside Sugawara still. “Is it too late to ask if you'd like to come over?”

I glanced at him, looking down at the asphalt. “I-I mean, if I wasn't planning on going with Kenma, I'd say ‘no’ but...”

“Aww,” he whined — for a moment, I actually believed he was genuinely upset — “Can't you just tryyyy?”

I sighed and stopped walking, holding my bike up as I dug into my pants pocket and pulled out my phone. I flipped it open and went to send Kenma a text message. “Oh my gosh, you're really doing it?”

“I'm not guaranteeing we're coming over, but I'll at least ask him.” I looked up from my phone and to Sugawara. “Who's all going to be there?”

“Well, I have the team going— Almost didn't have Tsukishima, but Yamaguchi convinced him,” he laughed a bit, turning his head as if it would help him remember. “A few other people outside the team that attend Karasuno High, and some other-other friends of mine.”

“So that's — what? — twenty people, minimum?”

“Um, yeah. But I think it's going to be more like thirty.”

I think Kenma may like having less people around him, but he may be if-fy about the people, still, since he is trying to get himself a boyfriend.

“What time does it start?”

“Eight o'clock, but if you're looking for alcohol, that's coming at nine~” he chimed, walking around to hover over my shoulder, watching as I messaged Kenma.

_[Instead of the Festival, would you be opposed to going to a little... get-together at Sugawara's house?]_

I waited a short while before I got a reply.

Wait. _Alcohol_?!

_[I thought we were looking for people at the Festival?]_

_[Well there's going to be, like, thirty people at Sugawara's.]_  
_[I mean— if you don't want to, then you can say so. We can still go through with the Festival thing.]_

_[... What kind of people?]_

_[My team's all going, and Sugawara said some others from my school and outside of the school. He didn't specify who the outside people were, though...]_

_[... Could we go to that party for, like, an hour? And if it doesn't work out for us, then go to the Festival?]_

Better than nothing, right?

_[Yeah, we can do that. I'll text you his address.]_  
_[The party starts at eight.]_

I let out a deep breath as I sent Kenma the address, glancing at the clock before flipping my phone shut and returning it to my pocket. “Alright, Sugawara, I'll be over in two hours.”

“Alright!” He says, waving me off as I go to pedal to my house. I was very thankful — very _lucky_ — Kenma decided to go with the party thing first; there's less people, which means my chances are higher and I have less competition.

  


* * *

  


I honestly don't know what the hell I did for an hour and a half before I actually set off to go to Sugawara's. I think I showered and was getting dressed? But, like, dicking around somehow?

Either way, I was in my moms car as she drove down the road, following the directions on a GPS, and I had arrived just a little after eight.

I let out an exasperated breath, opening the car door and stepping out. “Have fun, Shouyou! Don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay?”

“Okay, mom!” I said with a smile for reassurance. She smiled at me as I shut the door, waving her off and turning to walk up to the house. It was a pretty big house just like—

S-so Halloween! And festivals! And costumes! And... shit...

Yeah...

I walked up to the front door, knocking a couple times. I waited for a few minutes before the door was opened and I was greeted by Sugawara. “Hinata, you look absolutely adorable!”

Well, I wasn't particularly going for ‘adorable,’ but okay, Sugamama.

He reached out to play with my fake ears. I let out a huff, raising a hand to grab his arm and slowly push it away and back to his own bubble of space. “Has Kenma arrived yet?”

“Oh, no. Not yet.”

I just nodded, looking around the house at all the decorations. “You want a drink or something?”

“No, I'm fine...” I murmured, “I'm gonna walk around though. Tell me if Kenma comes and I'm not around.”

“Alright.”

And with that, I started walking around into all the rooms, just looking around. I was kind of acquainting myself with the house, actually; and I managed to memorize the downstairs, at least just where the rooms and such are anyway. I stood at the bottom of the stairs, wondering if I was allowed upstairs.

“Hinata.” A voice from behind.

I looked over my shoulder quickly just as Kageyama came into view. He was standing just a couple feet behind me. “I didn't realize you were coming...”

“Yeah, you don't realize a lot of things,” I said without thinking. I choked back, “Uh— s-sorry. That came out wrong.”

I looked up at him, kind of shrinking back into my own skin. This time, no one was really in close proximity for me to be able to hide behind. Aside from Kageyama— but I was trying to get _away_ from him.

“Scary...” I murmured, narrowing my eyes a bit. He looked a little more menacing than usual.

“You're dressed up as...” He looked me up and down before settling his dark gaze onto me, making direct eye contact. “... A dog?”

“What? No!” I rolled my eyes, groaning. “I'm supposed to be a werewolf.” I grumbled before I looked him up and down. Vampire; how original. “What are you, a magician?”

He smirked, tilting his head upward, looking down at me. It almost seemed condescending. “Aha, I see you've got some—”

“SHOOUUYOOOOUUUU!”

I didn't have time to register anything before I was being bumped into by Nishinoya. I ended up hitting the wall behind me as he stood us up straight, patting both my shoulders simultaneously. “I didn't think you were coming!” He put an arm around me, leaning in close, “Sooo, you planning on getting drunk tonight?”

“W-what?”

He stood up straight, arm still around me. “We've got less than an hour before nine— when nine comes around, Shouyou, we're doing shots!”

“But—” Before I could say anything in protest, Nishinoya was already running off somewhere else.

“So, were you trying to go upstairs?” Kageyama asked, looking said stairs, totally abandoning what he was going to say just a couple minutes before.

“Uh, yeah, but I don't think we're supposed to.”

“What would Sugawara do?” He said, patting my back, “It's Sugawara... _and_ we're on his team— You two are friends, too, aren't you?”

“Uh, y-yeah...” I said just as Kageyama was already leading me upstairs.

“Why do you want to go up here though?”

“Explore.” I said simply.

He didn't respond to that statement.

Once we had reached the top of the stairs, I looked down the hallways. It was completely dark up here, so I was one hundred percent sure we shouldn't be up here. 

“Ah. I was right,” I said in a ‘I told you so’ kind of tone as I started to head back down the stairs, but Kageyama grabbed my arm, stopping me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I am not done making jokes/references to Suga's shlong. Thanks for asking. :)


	3. Color Me Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama gives Hinata a couple things to remember.
> 
> Sugawara notes something “off” about Hinata's little story about Kageyama.
> 
> Hinata, Kenma, and Nishinoya do shots.
> 
> Hinata does something unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kags gets a lil'... um... aggressive? yeah. sure. let's go with that.

I blinked a couple times, not fully registering in my head what just happened and why I couldn't continue down the stairs.

I get it, I get it: the lights upstairs are a little dim. Shut the fuck up about it.

I narrowed my eyes, turning my head to look up at Kageyama. “If I didn't have my foot on the step, I probably would've lurched forward, taken you with me, then we both would have gone tumbling down the stairs.”

“I know that,” _then why the hell would—?_ “But I saw you had both feet on a step.” _I'm sure you did._ “Plus, I think I can manage your — what? — one hundred pound self.”

“A hundred and fourteen...” I grumbled. At least he didn't say anything about my height.

I straightened my stature, going to pull my arm out of my grasp. He didn't let go — well, also given that I didn't really put much force into my pull. I turned my body a little more in his direction.

I pulled again, this time with more force, Kageyama just tightened his grip as a resultant. “Kag–wh–what are you doing?” I murmured lowly, eyes focused on my arm still being held as I raised my antithetical arm to grab at his hand, trying to pry his fingers off. “Stop it,” I growled, simultaneously pulling with my captured arm as I pried at his hand with my own free hand. His grip didn't falter; rather, it was the opposite— he tightened his grip. “Let go! You're fucking hurting me, you dick!”

“Hinata?” Someone called out.

I looked down the stairs, briefly stopping trying to free myself, getting distracted by hearing my name being called from below.

I looked back to my arm, figuring it wasn't much use — he's a hell of a lot stronger than me afterall... — so I just looked up at him with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes. “Let—”

He suddenly released his grip, and I stumbled, feeling myself losing my balance and falling back thereafter. _Shit!_ My heart stopped and I just desperately reached out to grab onto _something_ within a couple of seconds before I actually fell.

Kageyama grabbed my forearm, catching me before anything catastrophic happened. He, himself, had stumbled as he caught me, a falling Hinata, but he still managed to regain his own balance and pull me back up onto both of my feet.

“You said ‘Let go,’ didn't you?” He asked, semi-rhetorically, with a certain fire in his eyes.

I clenched my teeth, glaring at him. “You know I didn't mean ‘Let me fall down the stairs.’”

“Did I? It's not like you specified that.”

“It should be implied,” I growled, reaching my hand up to grasp the area where he had held onto my upper arm so painfully tightly. “The fuck's your problem?” I murmured, taking a couple steps down the stairs to add distance between us.

He opened his mouth to speak, but someone just at the base of the stairs beat him to it. “Hinata, I've been calling for you.”

I turned my body as I went to look at the person who was talking. Sugawara.

I walked down the stairs, not even bothering to glance at Kageyama on the way. Whatever he had wanted to say didn't matter to me whatsoever— even if I _had_ asked.

“Sorry. I kind of got held up.”

“I saw that. What were you two doing upstairs?” Sugawara was leading me back around the house somewhere.

“Uh,” I paused, dropping my arm to my side. “I had told him I wanted to explore but didn't think we should be upstairs. He basically said ‘Who's going to give a shit?’ and just started leading me up there... Um. I saw it was totally pitch black so I started heading back down but he stopped me.”

“What do you mean?”

I looked off to some people who had just walked in, bottles in hand, a couple boxes, and...

“Hinata!”

I looked back to Sugawara quickly, blinking. “Huh? Oh, right. Sorry. He grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go for awhile but didn't say anything about why he stopped me.”

I think he had a dozen more questions for me, but he forced himself not to ask — for now, at least. Instead, he just gestured on ahead, compelling me to look. In the kitchen, sitting up on a counter, was Kenma, looking as anxious as can be.

I started smiling, even blushing a little. Sugawara patted my shoulder, “Quit standing there and _go_. The boy's probably going to have a panic attack if he's alone like that any longer with all these strangers.”

Didn't have to tell me twice.

Next thing you know, I was hastily walking through a crowd of people to get to the kitchen.

There were only a couple people in here aside from Kenma, but they were just snacking on some things at the island in the middle. I walked up to the counter Kenma had sat himself on, looking up at him.

“What are you dressed as?”

“A werewolf.” At least he didn't think I'm supposed to be a dog or something. “You know, I should've guessed you'd dress as a cat.”

The boy averted his gaze off of me sheepishly. It was damn cute if you ask me.

“Are you sure you want to try and look for someone? I mean, you already seem really anxious as is.”

Kenma looked down at his shoes, swinging his legs back and forth. He waited awhile before looking back at me, “I didn't come out to night to go home empty-handed.”

_I'm right fucking here...!_

Of course, he didn't know about my intentions. And I wasn't quite up to revealing anything just yet.

“Do you want to walk around then? Or maybe go and sit in another room that's more populated?”

“Well, actually...” He tilted his head to the side, looking off in the same direction. “I thought having a couple drinks would help.”

Kenma, not you, too...

I bit at my lip, pulling my phone out of my pocket, checking the time shown on the screen. I returned my phone to my pocket before looking back up at him. “Well, it's just a little before nine.“ _I guess they're still getting the alcohol together?_ “Do you want to wait in here?”

He nodded, turning his head to look at me as I went to hop up onto the counter next to him. I was leaning forward slightly, hands gripping the edge of the marbled surface.

“So... What kind of guy are you looking for?” I asked.

He seemed to be thinking about it for awhile before he pulled his legs up onto the counter, wrapping his arms around both legs, knees to his chest. “I really want someone who's taller than me...”

Daaamn iiittt...

“But I could also work with someone who's shorter,” _Ohh?_ “I'm just not all that confident in my sense of dominance.”

“I've got you covered—” I blurted.

“What?”

Within a second, I was looking out into the next room over, giving a thumbs up to some imaginary person. I looked back at Kenma who was just staring at me, “Oh, sorry, what was that last part?”

“I could work with someone who's shorter...?”

“So, like, Nishinoya's height or...?”

“Aren't you two the same height?”

“No! I'm taller!”

“Really?”

“Yes! B-but by, like... an inch.” I mumbled, lowering my head.

“How tall are you?”

“Five-five as of last month!”

He just nodded before lowering his head down onto his knees. “I guess I could work with someone five foot-four, or a little shorter...”

Wait— what about 5'5”?

“What about you?”

“Definitely taller.” _How tall is he again?_ “Anywhere like, two inches taller than me minimum.”

“So wh—”

“Shouyou!” Someone screeched.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no...

As expected, Nishinoya came running full sprint into the kitchen, nearly slipping as he came to a stop. He held up a bottle of... something, along with 3 shot glasses in his other hand. He was breathing a little heavy, looking up at me, “Shots.”

I could see Kenma looked over at me through the corner of my eye. I just stared at Nishinoya before I slowly looked to Kenma. “Shots?”

“What is it?” Kenma asked

“Shouchuu, apparently.”

“‘Apparently?” I echoed.

“According to Kageyama. He says it's, like, twenty-five percent alcohol.”

“That sounds like a lot...” I murmured, taking the bottle to look at.

“Not really, you're just thinking about it too hard.” He took the bottle back, walking over to the island, setting the shot glasses down.

“How'd you know to get three glasses?” Kenma asked, already having hopped off the counter to stand beside Nishinoya.

“Sugawara said Shouyou had company,”

Dammit, Nishinoya!

I hopped off the counter, going on the other side of Nishinoya, watching as he filled mine and Kenma's glasses halfway, his fully.

“Before you ask: I've done shots before. And I'm assuming you two haven't had alcohol _ever_ , right? Right. So,” he paused, pointing off to a table filled with drinks in the next room over. “Those are, currently, all non-alcoholic. You may want to grab a couple to use as chasers.”

I glanced at Kenma, then to the table. “I'll get a couple cups for us.” I said before walking out of the kitchen and into the next room, to said table. I looked at the various cups of various colors. I had no idea what any of the drinks were, but I also didn't particularly care, so I just grabbed a couple cups at sheer random. I was just about to walk to the kitchen when I stopped in my tracks, seeing Kageyama just up ahead. And he just so happened to be in the way of my path to the kitchen. Perfect.

I clenched my teeth, figuring I'd just walk around the entire house and go into the kitchen the other way. So, I did, just barely catching Kageyama's glare as I turned the other way, making my way through another few crowds of people.

I walked into the kitchen without a problem. “Why'd you come in that way?” Kenma asked.

“That way was, um, blocked. Anyway, let's just do this.” I said, setting a cup down in front of Kenma and the other in front of me. Nishinoya had filled both mine and Kenma's glasses halfway, while his was just about full. I didn't question it. He's better at this kind of thing than I am.

“Alright!” Nishinoya said, raising his glass, Kenma and I followed. “Three... Two... One!” And just like that, he drank the shot in one gulp. Kenma, too, although he ended up gagging and coughing, going for the chaser and taking a gulp of that, too. I drank the shot in a single gulp and had the same reaction as Kenma; gagging and coughing.

“This tastes like shit!” I exclaimed, brows furrowing.

“That's why you have chasers~” He hummed, already pouring us all another glass. 

“Why do people drink this shit?” I growled.

“To get drunk. Have fun.” Nishinoya replied.

“It is literally liquid ass.”

Nishinoya just laughed, already raising his glass again, “Ready?”

“No...” I mumbled lowly, though Kenma spoke up with a semi-eager “Ready.”

“—R-ready!” I chimed in quickly, raising my glass.

Just as Nishinoya gulped down his shot, Kenma and I followed; going to drink the chaser quickly.

It didn't help with the immediate taste, but it got it away quicker. Better than nothing. I'm just wondering how Nishinoya could do this without a chaser...

  


* * *

  


We all did shots together, at the same time, although mine and Kenma's were the equivalent to half of what Nishinoya drank down. So, I basically consumed five full shots.

I finally set my empty cup down, leaning forward against the counter. “Fuck...” I breathed.

“Hey, hey, hey... Shouyou...” I looked over to Nishinoya, although he was a little blurry. “You still with me?” He asked with a laugh, coming around to wrap an arm around my shoulders.

“Is it...” I blinked quickly a couple times, pausing, “normal to see... weird...”

“Blurrry? Double? Yeah... It's juuussst the alcohol... You're fine, I sweeaar.” He finished, patting my back.

I stood up straighter, looking around the kitchen. “What hap... pened to Kenma...?”

“Bathroom.”

I locked my gaze onto Nishinoya. “Where's thaat?”

“C'mon.” He laced arms with me, “Let's go on a little adventure...!” He said, leading me out of the kitchen and into a crowd of people. We were both stumbling, though I'm pretty sure Nishinoya was better than me and is the reason I didn't totally fall to the ground.

“The bathroom's, like... riiiight uup there.” Nishinoya said, pointing up the stairs. “D'you need help getting up?”

I shook my head — and nearly fucking fell — before grabbing the railing, taking a couple steps up. I stumbled to the sides. I wanted to ask for that help afterall, but I looked behind me, and he was already gone.

It took me awhile, and I almost fell about thirty-seven times, but I made it up in one piece. The hall light up here was on now, but no one was up here and no doors were open—

Wait...

I started walking forward, leaning against the wall. I finally stopped, looking at the semi-open door with a light on inside. I pushed the door open, looking inside. Sure enough, there was Kenma, sitting in an office chair, phone in hand. He shot his head up to look at me. “You scared me...” he murmured, looking back down.

“Sorry.” I stumbled over to him, leaning back against the desk, “What are you doiin'?”

“Texting Kuroo.”

“Why?”

No response.

I looked over his shoulder, but he had shut his phone off then and spun in the chair to look at me. “I asked Kuroo to meet us outside to take us to the Festival. He'll be here in twenty minutes.”

“Wh-why'd you ask 'im to do that?”

“Because you're too drunk to hardly walk, and I'm... drunk. I think. Maybe.”

Dammit. If Kuroo gets here and is at the festival, I won't be able to flirt with Kenma at all. I probably won't even have a sliver of a chance...

  


* * *

  


Kenma and I talked for awhile. With me attempting to flirt and drop casual hints — and failing — until Kenma's phone went off, he checked it, then looked at me, saying Kuroo was just outside.

Damn it!

“Oh, okay. Let's go then...” I said, standing up and walking just behind Kenma, eyes on his butt for a little while as we walked down the hallway.

I was fairly certain that Kuroo has a crush on Kenma.

Time to try and prevent a fire from happening.

I finally looked up, reaching a hand forward to grab Kenma's shoulder. “Hey, wait.” He looked over at me, turning his body a little.

“Uh...” _Shit. What do I do now?_ I reached my other hand for his other shoulder, turning him to completely face me. Then, I pushed myself forward, planting my lips on his.

I pulled myself away, turning my head to look downwards. “S-sorry.” I swear I saw some figure at the base of the stairs, so I felt more than compelled to look over.

Kenma didn't say anything.

I looked back up, seeing his shocked countenance; widened eyes, brows furrowed upward, lips slightly parted.

“K-Kenma?”

No response.

Oh, god. I broke him!

He dropped into his neutral expression, blinking a couple times as he looked down. Some moments later, he finally spoke up. “Did you ever want to actually look for someone?”

“N-no...” I said lowly.

“And you were asking those questions, trying to see if you were my type?”

“Yeah...”

I suddenly felt a need to feel ashamed of myself.

“I was really g-going for you...”

“Oh.” He looked up at me, “How long have you had a crush on me?”

I shrugged because, honestly, I'm not really sure. I could've had an attraction to him for awhile, but I just didn't realize it because I didn't even know I was gay at that time.

We both were silent for awhile.

“Kenma!” A voice called from below at the base of the stairs.


	4. Boyfriends? Boyfriends.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama asks Hinata a question.
> 
> Kuroo, Kenma, and Hinata share an interesting conversation— followed by an interesting question.
> 
> Kuroo doesn't quite live up to his word and the results are...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I haven't done much research (I really haven't done any at all but shh) about Japanese alcoholic drinks so. Yeah. Anyway.
> 
> (Askin' all dem questions)
> 
> I got a pattern going with chapter titles. They are not good— but they are there. Hello.

Voice recognized: Kageyama.

I've been both hearing about him and seeing him a lot tonight, haven't I? Is it fate or chance? I think it's creepy or borderline stalkerish.

Kenma had already looked down but I — being the scared little bunny I am, at least when it comes to that guy anyway — turned my head slowly, looking down at the extremely pissed off Kageyama. Well, I mean, he always looks pissed off— but now, it was multiplied by two fold.

“Your boyfriend's down here about to kill a child looking for you,” _There's a child here? That doesn't sound— oh._ “Do you mind getting your ass down here already?” _Wait—_

I looked up to Kenma quickly.

“—Boyfriend?”

He rolled his eyes, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow. “Shouyou, are you really _that_ stupid?”

What?

... Oh.

Oh shit. I'm stupid.

Of course, I would never admit that, so I just said to him, “No. I'm really _that_ drunk,” with a shrug and a kind of ‘Please-don't-see-that-I'm-totally-lying-to-you-and-I'm-internally-screaming-because-I'm-totally-a-fucking-idiot-god-please-just-love-me’ smirk before heading down the stairs, Kenma just behind me.

_Do you think he bought it?_

_Fuck_ no.

“Shouyou,” Kageyama said, hand coming into my shoulder, compelling me to stop. I looked over my shoulder and up at the taller male. “Sorry... about earlier...”

What'd he do again?

Oh, right. Hahaha. _I'm a fucking idiot~_

“Yeeaaahhh...” I breathe awkwardly, taking a step away. The boy pulled his hand away— _oh! That's new!_

“But, really, do you mind if I message you later today?”

I couldn't stop the look of distaste that followed that question. “ _Why_?”

I saw him clench his jaw — probably because of the look I gave him at his question; it's practically the same as sheer rejection — before releasing, a heavy breath escaping him as he parted his teeth slightly. “To apologize more... _formally_.”

The way he said that left me feeling uneasy.

But, like the fucking idiot I am and the fact that I never listen to my own damn self, I nodded a couple times, letting the single worded answer, “Okay.” roll off my tongue before I turned and walked out the front door.

To a bit of my surprise, Kuroo and Kenma had waited just at the end of the driveway. I walked down the front steps, down the sidewalk, and down the driveway. I sighed contentedly, walking with the two on Kenma's free side. “Thanks for waiting up for me.”

“Did you think we were going to leave you behind?” Kuroo asked, looking down towards me.

With a little nod I answered with, “Honestly, yeah.” _People do all the time_...

No further questions or responses. I just continued walking with them until we came up onto a truck, with Kuroo walking around the front to get into the drivers side. Kenma opened the antithetical door, climbing in and sitting down, scooting over to give me room to sit. I climbed in after him, sitting down close to the window of the truck, slowly putting my seat belt on. Kuroo started the car after clicking on his own seat belt and making sure Kenma had done his. Then, he started driving. “So...”

I looked down at my hands in my lap, not even listening to the conversation — whatever it was — between Kuroo and Kenma, their voices just faded, my own voice booming in my head.

_God. I'm such an idiot. He won't even look at me or talk to me. He's probably so repulsed by me and the kiss and fuck. Fuck. I ruined my one and only god damn chance. I'm such a freaking idiot—_

“Shouyou.”

My head jerked upwards, leaving me to blink a few times, staring straight ahead. Slowly, I turned my head to look to whoever had said my name.

“Do you at least plan on going out with him? Y'know, make it official?”

“Eh?” I blinked. Then, I registered the question. My cheeks went hot. “I-I-I—”

“Look what you did, Kuroo. You embarrassed him to the point where he forgot how to talk.” Kenma murmured.

I swallowed back, “I-I, uh,” I looked back down at my hands in my lap, which I had set to — now — clasping one in the other, tightening them both into loose fists. “I would like to...” I said low enough to where it was almost inaudible.

I heard a soft laugh from Kuroo before seeing him extend a hand out to Kenma, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him lightly before holding him in place like that— hand on his shoulder. “See?”

“... I'm not blind, Kuroo.”

Sarcasm; noted.

“He seems pretty serious,” he said, hand letting go of Kenma and landing itself back onto the steering wheel.

“What?” he turned his head briefly to look at Kenma who remained silent. “Do you want to have a little talk with him about it?”

 _They're talking like I'm not even here_...

“There isn't much of anything to talk about. That'd be pointless.”

Um... _Hello?!_

“So what the hell are you waiting for?”

“This seems a little weird to be talking to you about this, y'know?”

“Why?”

Kenma turned his head to look at the raven-haired male, who in turn turned his own head. They didn't say anything, but Kenma just sank back into the seat, staring off forward.

_The hell was that?_

“The fuck does _that_ matter...” Kuroo mumbled, almost to a point where _I_ couldn't hear it. I think it was intentional; deliberate. “Hasn't happened in, like, three weeks.”

Wait, what?

“You fucking idiot...” Kenma groaned, lifting his chin to look up at the roof of the car. “Do you not know when to shut the hell up about things?” he asked, turning his head to fix his gaze on the other male. I think there was a death glare I wasn't able to see from here...

“Sorry. Sorry.” Kuroo said with a soft laugh.

Yeeeaahh... He wasn't sorry.

I leaned forward in my seat, looking over at the other two males. “Um. Hi, guys, I am still here. Hello.” I lifted a hand to them, though I didn't wave it around.

“I'm aware you're still here.” Kenma murmured, “ _Someone else_ doesn't.”

“Oh, hush, he should feel comfortable talking openly with both of us. I'm just letting him know just that— since we're both comfortable talking openly with him, right, Kenma?”

The blonde male just let out a huff in response before straightening himself, looking forward through the windshield again. And, well, _everyone_ straightening themselves, really. The car was left in silence for awhile until Kenma spoke up, “Shouyou.”

I gritted my teeth, turning my head slightly towards him. The blonde-haired boy instantly made eye contact with me. _Oh gods, help me!_ “Will you go out with me?” _Oh gods, thank you!_

I inhaled quickly, corners of my mouth curving upward. I lifted both hands to my mouth, trying to suppress a little giggle that wanted to escape — (not today, mother fucker!) — so, instead of trying to speak, I just nodded rapidly.

I saw a little smirk form on Kenma's face briefly, murmuring “You're a fucking idiot” — (with the best intentions!) — before looking away.

I turned my own head downwards, hands still on my mouth. Slowly, I lowered them, but a wide smile still lingered.

I'm glad he asked though, I probably couldn't have brought myself up to do it.

I am a shy turtle, and it shall be the death of me.

“Right,” Kuroo breathed, “I just better not hear about you two fucking—”

_I'm going to die..._

“What? Have you become my mother now?” Kenma asked.

“... No. If you would've let me finish, you would've gotten an ‘-any time soon.’”

“What does it matter to you?”

_Save me._

“Pfft. Or do it whenever. Have fun. I don't care.”

“Oh, now you've become a pouty child, hm?” He shrugged, “Either way, I know Shouyou wouldn't be up for that for awhile. Probably months.”

Talking like I'm not here again. Thanks, guys.

Wait—

_Months?_

“Mm...” I saw Kuroo look over to me, eyes looking me up and down before fixing themselves on the road again. “Yeah. You're probably right.”

When did I ever mention _months_?! I could totally do it toni—

“Yeeeaaah... No. Probably a few weeks.”

Shit. I said that out loud. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Abort mission! Abort. Mission. Abort! Abort!

_Abort!_

_ABORT!_

Kuroo just started laughing, Kenma looking down, a smirk on his face, letting out a few breathy laughs. “I-I didn't—think that you'd be up for—for that kind'a thing.” Kenma said between soft, breathy laughs.

“Yeah. Aren't you a virgin?”

Kenma started smacking Kuroo's chest lightly, lifting his head, still smirking. “Stop laughing, you ass.” He looked over to me, back of his hand on Kuroo's chest still. “We can do that whenever you feel comfortable, okay?”

I just exhaled deeply, raising my chin to look up at the roof. “Oh, god, kill me.”

“Sorry, Shouyou,” Kenma said, leaning into me. “Just teasing.” He pulled away, looking to me with a honest smile. “It was funny because it was so sudden and, really, just how you worded it.”

I turned my head towards him. “Can we just get to the festival so I can find some place to bury myself?”

Kenma laughed, looking away from me. “Oh, come on, Shouyou, it's fine. Don't feel so insecure about it.”

I wish I could just flip a switch and do that, Kuroo, but humans don't work that way, now do we?

... Do we? _Can_ we? Is that a thing?

Holy shit! Sign me fuck up!

“We're almost there, but you're not burying yourself,” Kuroo said, “If anything, I'll just let you get fucking wasted so you forget about that.”

“Can I? Can I do that? Is that really possible?” I asked, eyes widened a bit.

“Well, yeah... _if_ I can find some alcohol for you.”

I let out an exasperated breath, leaning my head back on the headrest. “Oh, god, thank you...”

He just chuckled, “Yeah, you're welcome.”

“Sure. Let's get him blackout drunk. That's a good idea.”

“I'll watch him,” Kuroo drawled, “I'm responsible... kind of.” He waved his hand off, “Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on what your little boyfriend drinks, okay?”

 _Boyfriend_... I love that word.

  


* * *

  


Black.

Haven't I been here before?

I feel conscious but... I can't see... Are my eyes open? I don't know... I can't tell... I feel tired.

If my eyes are closed, why would I feel tired?

Where the fuck am I?

What am I doing? What _did_ I do?

I remember... Kuroo handing me some mixed drink or something, and I tasted it. It was, like, fruity... and sweet...

And another? Yeah. They were both, like, themed drinks. Is that the word? ‘Themed’? It feels right, but it also _doesn't_ feel right.

Another drink _not_ from Kuroo. Some... other... drink—

Holy mother of fuck I feel nauseas...

“Kuroo, you ass!”

Who's that? Is that Kenma? I think it is... or is it someone else?

“It's not my fault, he walked off and I couldn't find him!”

That _has_ to be Kuroo, right? The other person just said his name...

“He was gone for ten minutes, how could he have gotten _that_ far for you to actually lose him?”

Yeah. Definitely Kenma.

Why the fuck can't I see?

“Maybe if you paid me I would've done a better babysitting job.”

Babysitting...?

I-I'm not a damn baby! I don't need to be babysat! I can handle myself...!

“You're a freaking idiot. He won't even wake up.”

Wait. I'm asleep?

I think this is bad. This is, like, the second time this happened...

“Pour some water on him.”

What? N-no! Don't do that!

Go away.

Step away from the orange-haired child!

Hey, hey, hey— I said I'm not a _baby_ , but I am still a child and I don't know what I'm doing.

I am in need of assistance.

Send hel—

My eyes suddenly snapped open and I shot up, going into a sitting position. My entire body was fucking freezing.

—p.

“He's alive!”

“Shut up.”

I started pulling off my shirt, “It... didn'have to bee cold waterrr!”

“Oh, god, he's still fucking drunk...” Kuroo groaned.

“Quit taking off your shirt!”

“Fuck you! It's freezi-I-ing!” I retorted, tossing the shirt at Kenma, furrowing my brows downward.

I looked down at my partially-soaked pants. I inhaled and then sighed, pulling at the fabric on my thighs. _I can't take off my pants..._ I could feel my eyes watering for some reason. “I—I'm fucking cold, Kenma...” I sucked in a breath, falling back down onto my back.

Bad idea.

My head hit the metal below me — hard — and I came shooting back up, hands on the back of my head. “F-fuu-hu-hu-huuuck,” I whispered with several quick inhales. Then, I felt warm liquid running down my cheeks.

“Is he...?”

“... He's crying.” Kenma murmured.

“Sho—” Kenma sighed, coming up beside me, hand on my back. “Shouyou, why are you crying? Did you hurt your head?”

“Nooo. My head's fine.” I dropped my hands down. “I-I don't know why I'm crying.” I sniffled. “I'm not crying.”

“How are we supposed to take him home like this?” Kuroo asked.

“We don't.”

I had somehow managed to lay down on my side, an arm under my head, hot liquid coming down onto my nose and falling onto my arm.

“What the hell do we do with him then?”

“We... take him to... to your house.”

“ _My house_?” Kuroo echoed. I could hear his hands come down on the base of the truck.

“My parents will catch on too quick. And your parents don't give a shit.”

I heard Kuroo groan before his hands slid off the truck and I heard the sound of the tail of the truck slamming to a close. “I think you like to use me, Kenma.” He said as he opened the drivers side door, tossing something back.

“Mm, in more ways than one.” He hummed.

Kenma sat down, back against the side of the bed of the truck, legs extended to the center. “C'mere.” He murmured, reaching down to lift me and pull me closer to him, setting my head down on his thighs. Turns out Kuroo tossed a jacket back, and Kenma had draped it over my torso.

“Stop iiiitt.” I groaned, glaring at Kenma.

“Stop what?” he asked, bringing a hand over my forehead to brush my bangs back.

“Babying me.”

“I'm not.”

I let out a huff, sitting up and actually putting the jacket on before laying back down, opting to just close my eyes and... and maybe sleep.

“Shouldn't we be calling his parents or something?” Kuroo asked as the engine roared on.

“Didn't think that far ahead, actually.” Kenma said, head turning to look through the back window. 

“Shouyou, what's your mom's number?”

“Don't freaking try calling her while you're driving, you idiot.”

Kuroo scoffed but didn't say anything against it.

“We'll call his mom when we get to your house.”

“Are you staying the night, too?”

“... Guess we're calling two mothers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Don't bully the smol child.
> 
> That ‘Please-don't-see-that-I'm-totally-lying-to-you-and-I'm-internally-screaming-because-I'm-totally-a-fucking-idiot-god-please-just-love-me’ smile doe.
> 
> This was fairly fun to write. Next chapter will probably come in like... Over a week. Maybe two? I don't know. Not feeling up to much of anything.
> 
> Next chapter will probably be very fun, though, so, like, yeah. Um. I'm an awkward potato, I'm sorry.


	5. This Is Embarrassment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sh-ouyou...”
> 
> I lifted my upper body, pushing down onto his hips more, feeling him under me.
> 
> His hands found their way onto my sides again as I swayed my hips on top of him, eyes focused on the lower half of both of us.
> 
> _What if we didn't have clothes on right now...? Can we try that?_
> 
> Then, logical, reasonable thinking took over:
> 
> _No, Kuroo's parents are here... We shouldn't even be doing what we're doing now..._
> 
> Then, a voice from behind stopped my movements entirely—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over a month before I updated this. Wow.
> 
> I looked at the last updated date and saw '07-03' and, for some reason, I thought that the date was '07-10' when I checked so I thought “Oh, pfft, it's only been a week~”  
> Ha, yeah, no.  
> For one, I have shit memory, two, I have absolutely no sense for time, and, three, I noticed that I was getting depressed again the last time I updated, but I hadn't expected it to go on for a month and then totally smack me in the face like it had.  
> I find that probably writing this out will consequently make me more upset (though mainly when I get to Kageyama's shit...) but I do know my limits, so I'm just fine. :) I think I'll end up updating House of Memories more often to let most of my depression (among other things... ha...) out.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for that ^ I guess I just feel an excessive need to explain myself... But it also kind of sounds like I'm looking for sympathy and/or pity... eh...  
> ... Fuck it.
> 
> And here I give you my shitty chapter :P  
> (I struggle with chapter titles. and, idk, I guess there's just a lot of embarrassing moments and such in here so whateva~)

When I finally opened my eyes again, I could feel my body moving gently, but not due to the oddly-quickly-remembered movement of the engine of the truck, but rather from being off of the ground entirely and in the arms of—

I lifted my chin slightly, my eyes doing most of the movement for me.

—Kuroo.

My eyes shot back down quickly, my body — almost utterly — instinctively squirming due to the unfamiliarity of that specific state.

“Whoa—!” Kuroo stumbled a bit, nearly dropping me in the process. “Shit, Shouyou!” He growled at me, “Calm the hell down before I _intentionally_ drop you.”

I think I muttered an apology, or maybe I made a soft, small noise — kind of like a squeak, though definitely not as “cute” (and definitely not as “soft” or “small” as I would ever have liked whatever the hell that kind of noise was to be...) — in response, or maybe I just swallowed back and remained silent. I opt for picking the second of the three...

I blinked my eyes tiredly, turning my head to the left in the direction Kuroo was currently walking and facing, eyes settling on the building that quickly came into clear view. The male stopped and I looked up, seeing that he had looked off to the side as Kenma walked closer to the door, pushing it opened and stepping inside, flicking a light on. Kuroo turned his body to the side, stepping inside the house carefully as to not have either one of us bump into something on the way in.

“The futon is in the hallway closet, by the way.” Kuroo said, still looking towards Kenma who had already gotten his shoes off and disappeared around the corner which I would forever assume to be the hallway because, really, what the hell else could it be?

Kuroo had pressed his back against the wall as he slipped his own shoes off before standing straight and following around to where Kenma disappeared off too, turning the corner — yes, _most definitely_ the hallway — and I had briefly seen Kenma all the way at the end of said hallway in front of two parted doors — the closet — although I didn't have much time to take in that sight before Kuroo had turned his body again and I found myself in another unfamiliar room.

I was then sat down on the bed and had immediately gone for slipping off my shoes, but the only thing wrong with that is that I somehow did not have them on anymore.

“What... happened... to my shoes?”

“You're _just_ noticing?” Kuroo asked as he actually flicked the light on.

_Is that—?_

“They're in the back of the truck. Same with your shirt, and ears, and—”

_—Rhetorical..._

“—Basically whatever part of your costume you were wearing, excluding your pants of course.” He said, pulling at the dark brown colored fabric. “But you're definitely welcome to change that—” He was cut off, though made a little shocked grunt kind of sound, by Kenma throwing a hunk of white puff at him. For one, the guy was knelled down, and he was also caught off guard, so one could definitely expect him to stumble to the side.

I looked at the puff and identified it as a pillow, just before looking to Kenma as he walked in, tossing the articles of various puff-like objects onto the ground. Kuroo lifted himself up, plopping down on the bed beside me, one hand gripping the edge of space between both of us, leaning a little ways forward. “What was that for?”

“Don't play stupid.” The blond grumbled, already going about laying the futon out.

“Would you be comfortable sharing the bed with Kenma?” He asked, leaning towards me. I moved my eyes to him, turning my head slightly, swallowing back and leaning away from him.

“I-I guess not but... why... the bed and not—?”

“You two are guests, so it seems only proper etiquette to let you have the bed.”

Well that sounds oddly considerate of him...

“ _Please_ ,” Kenma scoffed. “Don't try acting like you're a compassionate, selfless person just because there's new company around.”

“ _What_?” Kuroo asked, voice hanging with faux-offense. He leaned forward a little more, smiling, “You know... I'm glad you're making my bed for me, Kenma, a very wife-y thing to do, you know.”

“You know some people have a little voice in their head that tells them not to do things... you don't have that.” He grumbled, standing up, giving the raven-haired male a soft glare. “You can go ahead and finish this up. You're a big boy, right?” He finished, immediately turning away to close the door.

Kuroo just laughed, “Out of everyone, you would definitely know just how b—”

A blur came shooting in front of me, just before Kuroo fell off the bed with a grunt. “Fuck, Kenma!”

“I'll make sure to do that sometime.” I chimed in, leaning forward to look down at the male on the ground with a smirk, laughing softly that could almost make me sound completely innocent— if I hadn't made that comment there.

I looked at the object Kenma had thrown. Some box-looking kind of thing. I leaned forward a little more, lifting it up. I guess it was decently heavy, so I can see how Kuroo had fallen to the ground... especially because I was fairly sure he was hit in the chest, maybe even in the head.

“You've rubbed off onto Shouyou now. Great. Now I have _two_ overly-sexual teenagers to deal with.”

The raven-haired male mumbled something, though it was incoherent to me, just before he stood up. He gave Kenma a certain look before he inhaled and exhaled deeply and quickly, turning his head towards me, “So, do you want a pair of sweats and a shirt to sleep in?”

“S-suure but I don't—”

“Kenma basically has half his wardrobe in my closet with how much he comes over here.”

“Oh...” Kuroo had turned away, going to said closet and sliding the door open, grabbing a a couple shirts off of their hangers and reaching up to grab a couple pairs of bottoms. He turned to me and handed me the smaller articles of clothing. I stood up, turning to walk out the door, stumbling a couple times and finding it better to just lean against the wall. I grabbed the handle and looked over my shoulder. “Where's the... umm... bathroom?”

_Oh, Kuroo's just in his boxers and Kenma's about to—_

I turned my head away quickly, coughing awkwardly into the back of my hand.

_—How the hell did I make that out to sound so casual?!_

“What? You've changed in front of your team before, haven't you?” _Yes..._ “What makes this any different?” _The fact that one of you is my boyfriend and— wait. Shouldn't I be_ glad _the kid's almost completely naked?_

I took my hand off the handle, turning around and setting the top and bottoms on the bed, pulling my own pants off of myself. I grabbed the sweat pants, sliding one foot in at a time before going to pull them up to my waist, all while nonchalantly watching at Kenma got changed.

“You know, if you're gonna stare at a show like that, you may as well toss a couple ones.”

I pulled the shirt on over my head, face getting hot. “And iiff... you're gonna comment about absolutelyy... everything, you may as well say things people actually... care for.”

He laughed at that. “You know what?” he looked towards Kenma as he lazily pointed a finger at me, “I like this one.”

The blond let out a huff, having just barely gotten his shirt on, issuing the raven-haired male a _look_. I couldn't quite explain that certain look, but I guess the best way to _attempt_ to explain it would be ‘I already la—’

“That's unfortunate, isn't it, Kuroo?” He murmured, walking over to the bed, “Because I've already laid claim to him.” _How the hell did you do that!?_ He turned around on his heels, plopping down beside me, an arm wrapping around me, pulling me closer before dropping down to my waist. The whole time, Kenma made direct eye contact with Kuroo.

“You know me, Kenma, I'm not one to steal your precious boyfriends from you— and, plus, I'm pretty sure Shouyou here only likes you.” He laid back on the futon, propping himself up with his elbows, “Mr. Possessive over here...” he murmured.

“You may not steal them from me, but you definitely like making moves for your _precious_ three-ways.”

_Oh god, I'm gonna die from embarrassment and awkwardness and-and—_

“You never complained about it before.”

Kenma let out a quick, breathy laugh. “You've got me there.”

Kuroo chuckled, laying down fully on the futon, hands behind his head, closing his eyes though I was fairly certain he was far from going to bed just yet.

“S-so you guys...?” I shook my head, “Nevermind...”

“The offer's definitely on the table for you, too, Shouyou.”

Kenma kicked Kuroo in the side although it didn't seem to be with excessive force, rather kind of gently. The blond turned his head to look at me, “Don't feel pressured to do that.” he waved a hand off, hand coming off my side as he slid up onto the bed, “You probably—” he sighed, “It's probably best if you don't think about that at all.”

I was about to say something in response, but Kenma beat me to the punch of saying anything at all. “Which side do you want?”

I blinked a couple times, looking at the bed before climbing onto it fully, crawling over to the side closest to the wall, immediately going to lay on my side, facing the room. I heard Kenma and Kuroo speaking incoherently in low whispers before Kenma laid down beside me on his back.

I bit on the inside of my bottom lip, inching a little closer to the blond — which really wasn't all that much of distance anyway... — and slowly going down to rest my head on his chest. He didn't seem to mind that notion. In fact, he even drew an arm out to wrap around my upper body, holding me close.

I didn't expect to get this far so quickly.

“Hey...” I started.

“Hm?”

“Whatever happened to my phone anyway?”

“Inside the truck.”

I hummed an “Alright” before closing my eyes, one arm going across Kenma's stomach.

It was Kuroo who shut the lights off, followed by the sound of his shuffling movements back down onto the futon.

I mean — _ha._ — I told Kageyama that he could message me, but I never said I would message him back...

  


* * *

  


The following morning — and, actually, when I say “morning,” I mean about 3 o'clock in the morning... — consisted of me somehow finding myself in the living room, on the floor, looking for something among the shelves, and then being found by Kenma after having been woken up by Kuroo who had been woken up by me, of whom was being loud in my desperate search for an item I don't even remember.

I refused to go back to the room, apparently, and had clung onto the leg of the table while beginning to yell about how “I didn't want to go back there.”

So, when I actually _fully_ came back to — meaning I was in direct control of myself — it was when light was shining through the windows and I was on the couch. Well, no, I was actually sprawled out on top of Kenma who was on the couch.

I'm surprised he dealt with me that whole night.

I opened my eyes into slits, blinking tiredly a few times as I slowly woke up. I lifted myself into a sitting position, though still had both legs straddled on either side of the blond, bringing my hands up to rub my eyes. 

“... You move... a lot, Shouyou...” He said lowly.

When I looked down, his eyes were still shut.

“Oh, s-sorry! Did I wake you up?”

“Multiple times last night, actually.”

I think I should be more than a _little_ sorry.

“Do you wanna go back to sleep?” I didn't wait for a response before I lifted myself off of him, one leg sliding off the couch and coming into contact with the floor. “I can get up—”

His hands came up onto my hips and my eyes immediately landed on him, whose eyes were planted on my lower half before looking up at me. “I want you to stay...” He said. I think he was still exhausted, but his tone seemed more lively, yet it also sounded low—kind of like a seductive tone.

I hummed softly, lowering myself back down on to him, pulling my leg back up to place both legs close to his body.

“Come here...”

I leaned forward, feeling his hands slide off the sides of my hips and onto my lower back. I lowered myself down further. It was when we were about half a foot apart when I realized I wouldn't be able to lower myself down further without our faces coming into contact—n-not that I wouldn't like to kiss him or anything! But, I'm sure he'd just rather me lay here with him...

So, I held myself up with my forearms, pushing my body back a little.

I stopped immediately when I heard a soft whine come from Kenma, head shooting towards him. “Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah... You just—that felt...” He sighed, dropping his head back. “You kind of grinded on me and, um, it... felt good...”

I rubbed against his dick a little, through his pants, and got _that_ reaction?

“O-oh...”

“Was that on purpose?”

“No...” 

I pulled my body upwards, coming closer to his face, then pushed downwards again.

“Unh!”

This time around, I actually felt his semi-hard dick, followed after a few throbs and twitches.

“Sh-ouyou...”

I lifted my upper body, pushing down onto his hips more, feeling him under me.

His hands found their way onto my sides again as I swayed my hips on top of him, eyes focused on the lower half of both of us.

_What if we didn't have clothes on right now...? Can we try that?_

Then, logical, reasonable thinking took over:

_No, Kuroo's parents are here... We shouldn't even be doing what we're doing now..._

Then, a voice from behind stopped my movements entirely—“Kenma, what the hell?”

I whipped my head around and, lucky for us, it was only Kuroo.

“If you guys really wanted to fuck, you could've said so and I would've left you alone in my room... Fucking hell...” By now, he had hastily walked over to the two of us and was now right beside the couch. “Go ahead and get off him, Shouyou.”

I did as told, lifting myself off of Kenma, but a certain _thing_ had be quickly plopping down on another part of the couch, sitting criss-crossed with both hands shoved into my lap.

“Not even a whole twenty-four hours...” The raven grumbled, casting a glare at Kenma. I guess Kuroo thought it was his idea and was pinning the blame on him.

“K-Kuroo?”

“You're lucky it's the weekend and that my parents are sleeping in.”

He ignored me. Great.

The raven brought a hand to trace his fingers on his right temple, the antithetical hand on his hip. A few moments later, he looked to me, “By the way, your mother said to have you home by lunchtime.”

“What time is it now?”

“About...” he shrugged, dropping both hands down to his sides as he turned away from us. “About nine?” He replied in a questioning kind of tone, disappearing into the kitchen.

I laughed softly, head turned towards the kitchen as my eyes moved to land themselves onto the blond male next to me, a half-smirk painted onto my features. It took a few moments, but he looked over at me, golden eyes meeting mine.

_‘Not even a whole twenty-four hours...’_

“... Wanna go to Kuroo's room?”

I guess somewhere along the way, I got tired of being shy, so my resultant to contradict that was to... not have a filter on my mouth, I suppose.

The male only returned a smirk before standing up, grabbing my hand — just a tad bit more than a _little_ enthusiastically — and pulling me up with him to go into the hall.

But, hey, it gets the job done, doesn't it?

The boy gestured for me to go into the room, leaning back to look off into the kitchen, “We'll be in your room.” He hummed before entering the room with me, shutting the door and locking it behind him.

It happened within a couple seconds—him rushing forward towards me, his lips meeting mine, an arm wrapping around my stomach, hand coming up on my back, a gentle push and him carefully laying me down on the bed... His other hand going under my shirt, the slight cold feeling of his fingers slowly being warmed up by my body as that hand traced itself over my stomach and side, stopping on my chest... A quick warm, wet swipe over my lips and, just as I parted them, his tongue met mine and _god_ I fucking loved everything about that—all of his touches, his tongue exploring seemingly every single part of my mouth, and the slight pressure of him pressing himself against my bulge...

 _Fuck_....

  


* * *

  


After that fun little make out session that we had brought to an abrupt close when we heard Kuroo's father speaking with him in the kitchen (Haha, fuck you, sir), we both sat in the room for a few minutes to — ahem — _calm down_ , just before leaving the room and going into the kitchen, acting as though we just woke up.

“Oh! You're, ah...” Long-ish pause. “... Hinata Shouyou, right?”

“That's definitely my name, yeah.”

“Do you do coffee?” He asked, lifting the pot for me to see.

“Coffee?” I echoed. “Wh-what's that?”

“How have you even survived this long?” Kuroo asked, leaning forward against the island counter, furrowing his brows upward.

I had a hard time distinguishing whether or not he was actually offended and upset with me...

“Do you want to try it?” Kenma asked, brushing past me to opened a cupboard and pull out a mug for himself, looking over his shoulder at me for a confirmation or declination.

I shrugged, “Sure...” I said lowly, stepping closer to the blond as he handed me a mug. I watched as he poured the dark liquid into his cup before handing it to me. _Yeah, sure, seems easy enough. Just don't spill it..._

“You don't attend Nekoma High, do you?” Kuroo's father asked.

“Huh?” I looked over to the man, “Oh, no, why?”

A hand over my hand, and I quickly looked down to see that Kenma had prevented me from spilling the liquid. “Thanks...” I murmured, finally setting the coffee pot down.

“Just wondering, since I was certain I hadn't seen you there before...”

“I think he's worried that, because your hair is so bright, he managed to forget you somehow. Though I can imagine that's a near impossible task in itself.” Kuroo said.

“Actually, I go to Karasuno High... Nekoma's rival.” I shrugged, watching as Kenma went about pouring sugar and liquid creamer into his cup, with me following just after him. “How much are you supposed to put in?” I asked quietly.

“Enough to appeal to your tastes.”

I looked over to the man again, “Well, we're _supposed_ to be, anyway.” I looked away from him again, stirring the cup. “How does it do that?”

“Do what?” Kenma asked.

“Change color! It was so dark before, but now it's like a caramel color!”

“Well you definitely get excited over the littlest of things,” Kuroo murmured, bringing his cup to his mouth to take a drink.

“I guess that's why I like you, Tetsuro,” Kenma hummed, smirking as he took a sip from his cup.

And so the liquid Kuroo had just taken in projectiled out of his mouth. I suppose it was from shock — but they've been friends for so long? Shouldn't he be used to comments like that? — although he laughed afterwards and got up quickly, going to clean up his mess. 

Maybe that was an awkward laugh and he only seemed so shocked because—

I looked to Kuroo's father, who looked a mix of shock and, I think, embarrassed.

— _Special_ company.

“Right.” He started, already walking past the three of us, “I'll just usher myself out, hm?”

“Kenma, you shit!” Kuroo growled, tossing the rag he had used to clean up the mess at the blond, of whom had just leaned a little to the side to evade the rag.

“You set yourself up for that one.” He said calmly.

“Yeah, but with my dad right there? You're really pushing it.”

The blond just shrugged, smirk still lingering. Kuroo rolled his eyes, finishing off his cup as he walked around to the sink, setting it down inside.

So I'll take it Kuroo's parents know about them having sex?

Good assumption, at least, right?

  


* * *

  


Noon came around and I had a bag with my costume inside resting on my lap, with me sitting on the right side and Kenma in the middle, just like before.

It was rather quiet, up until Kuroo turned on the radio, whom then began to sing along to the songs as well as dancing in the seat... which was really just him moving his upper body and making gestures with one hand.

At least I didn't have to worry about dying, yeah?

And, of which, seem to be of much vexation to Kenma. Probably mostly because the raven seemed to have the most fun while he was bumping into the smaller male and waving his hand around and touching the boy.

It was kind of a funny show to watch, actually.

Kuroo stopped the car in front of my house. I unbuckled my seat belt and pushed the door open, hopping down onto the ground, Kenma just behind me, handing me my cellphone when he was on the ground beside me, to which I quickly shoved into my sweatpants pocket.

“Don't worry, Shouyou! I'll take care of your boyfriend and make sure to bring him home safely, alright?”

“Pfft. When you word it like that, it sounds like he's more so your boyfriend than mine.” I said it with a faux-angry tone because, well, I could trust both Kenma and Kuroo both. Kenma was sure to be loyal, and Kuroo was sure to be respectful of whatever affiliations the blond has.

Kenma shut the vehicle door and followed me up to my front door. A few words exchanged and a goodbye kiss — I don't think I could ever grow tired of that — then I was waving him off and waving to Kuroo briefly before opening the front door and stepping inside.

I walked upstairs, down the hallway, then to my room, only questioning why no one was around for a moment. I opened my bedroom door and tossed the bag onto the ground, shutting my door behind me, and walking to my bed before plopping down face-first. I can hang out with Kenma all the time, but I'll still always love to lay down in my own bed.

I lifted myself briefly, scooting closer to my pillows and plopping down onto my side, knees coming up close to my chest as I curled into a ball. I _suppose_ I could take a look at whatever messages Kageyama sent me the night before... I pulled out my phone from my pocket, flipping it open.

Oh, look, spam galore~!

_BAKAGEYAMA: 21 new messages!_

I sighed, opening the first message.

_10:47 pm: [Did you get home alright?]_

What the hell does it matter to you?

_10:49 pm: [You're okay with those two, right?]_

Uh, _yeah??_

_10:49 pm: [I don't really trust either of them.]_

You don't have to.

_10:51 pm: [Are you getting my messages?]_

Yeah. I just didn't care to even look at them. Ha.

_10:56 pm: [God. Can you at least LOOK at these so I know you're getting them?!]_

I had better things to do than attend to your bullshit needs.

_11:01 pm: [Okay, okay... I'm sorry for getting a little irritated. But can you blame me? Haha]_

Oh my god, you're so full of shit.

_11:02 pm: [You didn't drink too much at the party, right...?]_

Thanks for caring, _mom_.

_11:09 pm: [You're kind of worrying me, okay?]_

I literally do not care.

_11:12 pm: [Ha... I just wanted to apologize, but I haven't even gone near that subject yet...]_

Thanks for enlightening me.

_11:32 pm: [Fucking hell. I swear if those assholes did anything to you...]_

You're making me want to off myself.

_11:34 pm: [You're not totally mad at me, right?]_

I swear, every single one of these are going to make me want to off myself a little more...

_11:34 pm: [I mean, it's okay for your to be mad at me! I just... I just really want to talk to you.]_

How many more messages are left?

_11: 50 pm: [I care about you, Shouyou.]_

Tch. Why the hell are you calling me _‘Shouyou?’_

_12:00 am: [Shouyooouuu. Please get back to me...]_

Who gave you rights to call me ‘Shouyou?’

_12:48 am: [I'm really worried about you, okay? I'm scared that something happened to you...]_

I didn't ask you to worry about me.

Just as I went to read another message, I got a new one. And, of course, it was from Kageyama.

_12:22 pm: [Shouyou! Thank god! I thought something bad happened to you!]_

Please kill me.

_12:22 pm: [Why do you have to go off and worry me like that?]_

Not my fucking fault, is it now?

Or maybe it is? Because I didn't respond to him or even look at the messages?

_12:23 pm: [Did you read my other messages?]_

_Suuurrreee..._

_[Um. Yeah. I did.]_

_12:23 pm: [Oh good... Sorry about how many texts I sent you... Haha...]_

_[Oh, no, it's fine. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the entire novel you sent me.]_

_12: 24 pm: [Sarcasm?]_

_[Sarcasm (*￣▽￣)d]_

_12:25 pm: [Oh... Right... So... yes or no?]_

_‘Yes or no?’?_ —

I closed that message and went through the remaining messages I had yet to look over. 

— _1:56 am: [Would you be opposed to going on a date? I mean, not as boyfriends or anything! Just... a date...]_

Well I _definitely_ need some context for that! Holy shit!

It explained why he was so worried about me — even though I really wasn't in any danger — so there's that, I guess. Could also explain why he called me ‘Shouyou.’

And so begins my backtracking through a few earlier messages...

_1:55 am: [God. It's really late... Just message me back when you can, okay?]_

_1:38 am: [So, do you think you can forgive my actions earlier?]_

_1:38 am: [I didn't hurt you did I? God. I'm really sorry, Shouyou.]_

_1:37 am: [So, yeah, I'm sorry about earlier. I had thought I could get enough courage to tell you how I feel earlier, but I kind of chickened out... Haha...]_

_1:37 am: [I kind of-sort of have a crush on you, okay? And I heard Sugawara talking about how you just came out so... I thought it was a good idea to go for it.]_

_1:21 am: [Okay. Yeah. I don't care what you're doing. Just as long as you're safe, I'm okay.]_

I suppose I'm totally not going to question all of the messages, and the fact that the kid was up until 2 in the morning, maybe later, just for me. And I suppose I'm not going to question how he came up out of the blue like this...

I suppose I'm not going to question quite a lot of things in relation to Kageyama...

_[Well. I kind of have a boyfriend right now anyway, so it's a ‘no’ from me]_

_12:27 pm: [What about just as friends? Friends hanging out is acceptable, right?]_

_[Yeah, but that's kind'a weird... knowing that you have a crush on me and all, and then hanging out.]_

_12:28 pm: [I guess...]_

_12:28 pm: [You know what? Yeah. You're right. I understand. I'll just leave you alone, okay?]_

_12:28 pm: [I'll see you at practice.]_

Yep. Just about eighteen hours too late, Kageyama.

Not going to lie, I _did_ have a little crush on him, too, but I tossed that in the trash when I had assumed he was straight. But I'm with Kenma right now, and I'm not about to cut it off just because of some other guy. That's fucking stupid. Plus, Kenma is like a really, _really_ good kisser.

**_Buzzzzzzzz_ **

I raised a brow, flipping my phone open again and looking at the screen.

Well, speak of the devil...

_12:34 pm: [You want to maybe go out somewhere this coming weekend?]_

_[Is that even really a question?]_

_12:34 pm: [Would you be against Kuroo coming along? You can say yes, and he's totally out of the picture.]_

Well... it's not going to be a date-date, but I guess he's alright...

_[No. It's fine. Where would we be going?]_

_12:34 pm: [The movies. You can pick something out if you want.]_

_[Oh god. Don't ask me to make decisions. I'm really, really, indecisive. ( 〃´艸｀)]_

_12:35 pm: [Alright. I guess Kuroo will be picking the movie because I'm pretty indecisive, too. I'll get back to you soon on what he chooses, okay?]_

_[d( >_・ )]_

And just as I was ready to shut my phone again, my screen lit up with a message notification.

_SUGAMAMA: 1 new message!_

Oh! I can only _imagine_ what this is going to be about...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins my attempt to make my chapters longer than I've been going about making them thus far...
> 
> Also, I don't think this was quite as “fun” as I made it out to be. Given I thought that I'd make it more exciting. But, oh well~
> 
>    
> ... I think I'd die if someone irl found out who I am... writing all this shit... oh god... (makes me wanna go through all my chapters and take out these notes that could totally give me away)  
> (EDIT: yes, I have done just that ^)


	6. Color Me Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you... wanna... get off of me now?”
> 
> Oh. Right. I gotta do that, huh?
> 
> I swallowed back, nodding and lifting myself up.
> 
> Kageyama sighed, sitting up, hand coming onto my right thigh. “Wait.”
> 
> I'd be lying if I said my leg didn't tingle — in a pleasant way — when he touched me. Just as soon as his hand came down onto me, it was off again. I, mostly-subconsciously, let out a quiet — almost totally inaudible — whine. He didn't seem to hear it. But he did, however, bring that hand under my chin as he leaned in closer to me. Before I could register what was happening, he pressed his lips against mine and then, a couple seconds later, he was gone.
> 
> My little whine that followed was slightly louder, though still mostly quiet.
> 
> “A-are you okay?” He sounded panicked. “I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't—” _Does he think he hurt me?_ “Do you—”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... _to be honest_ , I actually had Hinata and Kenma get together without absolutely _any_ idea how to break them up to get Hinata and Kageyama together. I have been winging all of this...—

Honestly, I think I may have done a little _too_ much in those eighteen hours.

_12:36 pm: [Hey, Kageyama told me you got a boyfriend.]_

_12:36 pm: [When did THAT happen?! Who is it? Where'd you meet him?]_

I could say that _maybe_ Kageyama has some competition for who's most annoying, but I know Sugawara misses that ranking by a long-shot. He's probably at the very bottom of the list. Wait, no. Kenma takes that spot — _now_ , at least — then Sugawara for sure.

_[Yeah. It's Kenma.]_

_[And... Last night... At that party.]_

_12:37 pm: [... I have just been alerted not to talk to you about that. Haha...]_

_12:37 pm: [Please disregard all this, okay?]_

_12:37 pm: [Also, maybe delete these messages? I'll be talking to you at school tomorrow about it, okay~?]_

_[Okay (*￣▽￣)d]_

I couldn't be upset with Sugawara. He just got excited at some information he'd been handed, and it is especially interesting to him, I guess, seeing as though this is pretty big... _I guess_.

No. I got a _boyfriend_. It isn't just an ‘I guess.’ This _is_ pretty big. Everyone! Alert the press! And—

Cue preparation for extreme guilt later on...

—Make Kageyama jealous.

Ha. Wow. Where the hell did _that_ come from? That isn't like me. Or maybe it is. But, I mean, I shouldn't even care. He's... Not important. Just my partner. In volleyball. Strictly volleyball. But, should I ask about changing that? Maybe Sugawara could be my partner. No... No he can't, I'm sure he's fine with Daichi. Nishi—no... he's got Asahi... Okay, okay, let's just count off the team members, Shouyou...—

Aaaand~

—... No one. We all have set partners. Or, rather, at least there's an even number of guys on the team. I mean, why should I be trying to change anything? Kageyama and I have been partners since the very beginning. Well, given that we started off poorly, but we eventually made it out just fine... _ish_.

I was just about to plug my phone up into the charger, but then it vibrated again — issuing a mildly annoyed groan from me before I rolled onto my back once more, holding my phone just above me as I flipped it open. 

_BAKAGEYAMA: 1 new message!_

I shouldn't even be surprised at this point.

_12:39 pm: [Shouyou c...—]_

“Shouyou, lunch is ready!”

Within a few seconds, I had flipped my phone shut, plugged it into the charger, and was speed walking out of my room and down the stairs to the dining area. Kageyama would just have to wait until later.

  


* * *

  


Later didn't come for him, Kageyama, though, because when I had finished up my lunch, Natsu had asked me to play with her. And, of course, I chose her over whatever Kageyama had sent me. If I had to guess anything, it'd be that he spammed me again once he saw the message was read...

So came an hour and a half after my family had finished lunch, when I finally went back up to my room. To my annoyance, when I checked my phone, it was completely dead. Turns out I didn't actually plug it in fully. Ah, well. Sure hope no one absolutely needs me any time soon...

I rolled onto my stomach, lifting my bottom to stretch much like a cat, before sliding forward, arms digging under my pillows as I laid back down on my mattress. I think that, what would help get me through this week, was the shimmering ray of hope Kenma had so wonderfully bestowed upon me—yeah, I _definitely_ am looking forward to this weekend.

  


* * *

  


“Hah-ah-ahh...” I managed to let escape through breathy pants. “F-fuck.”

“Does it feel good?”

 _You're going to be the death me_... I suppose I could hope he gets my screaming message of ‘yes!’ through my moan that followed. “Ah!”

He leaned in closer, kissing my neck softly, though still managing to be aggressive, hungry.

“Tell me it feels good.” he whispered. I shivered.

“It—ah! Ah!” I arched my back, nails digging into his back as gently as I could as to not hurt him.

He chuckled. “You don't need to be gentle, Shouyou. I can take it.” _He noticed_... “Do you like it?” He asked with a grunt as he thrust into me once again.

“Ah... Mm—” I stole myself a few quick breaths. “—Mm-hmm.” I managed to let out with a few nods, heels pressing against his backside, arms wrapped around and coming up to his shoulders, holding onto him.

“What was that?”

 _The... death of me_... “I—” I rasped, “I like it.” I muttered in an undertone.

I heard him let out a breathy laugh, now driving into me harder, faster.

“Ah! F-fuck!” I thought what he was doing earlier felt amazing, but this—absolutely perfect; flawless. He groaned as I dug down his back and, instinctively, I stopped immediately at his little pained sound. When I stopped, however, I got something totally different.

“It's okay.” he hummed, biting at my neck. As the pain on one of my most tender, vulnerable spots ran through, it was quickly exchanged for pleasure as he sucked on the skin he had grabbed with his teeth. “Keep doing that.” I suppose it was like a ‘Do whatever you want if it's pleasurable for you.’ Did I enjoy hurting him? No. But I guess it could also mean that, if I was in such pleasure I — _ahem_ semi-accidentally — hurt him, then it was okay and he wouldn't mind it.

Finally he pulled himself away from my neck, and my hold on his upper body loosened so that my hands came up on his neck, fingers lacing themselves together at his nape.

I looked up at him, admiring the look in his dark eyes; the look of seduction, of hunger, of pleasure, of—love...?

Does he love me?

 _Yes_.

His facial features were extraordinary, though arguably ‘bland’ — everyone is interesting if you look at them long enough to catch the features that aren't presented, but rather internalized and can only be accessed through attentiveness and... a sense of desire; you need to _want_ to learn about that person inside, the one the physical being doesn't wish anyone to see without permission—I saw his inner self without that permission.

Might I say it's been a very fun maze...

He has dark charcoal-colored eyes — which I suppose look dull and lifeless, but I've seen them when they glow, and it's absolutely stunning. That, paired with his equally dark black hair that I love running my hands through — whether when we're making love, or just sitting around. He makes himself out to be a cold-hearted and otherwise very unapproachable person—but that's only a lie—some charade he conjured to keep himself safe.

_Safe from what?_

Hurt would be my first guess.

I guess he's really just afraid of letting anyone get too close — _even me?_ — and he built a kind of wall around himself, as strong and as high as possible in an attempt to have something to hide behind the few times someone dared ask for entry to his heart.

My, oh, my. I'm being too sappy, aren't I?

His body is gorgeous—muscles, all perfectly toned. I like running my hands along his entire body and, well, actually... His entire self is absolutely magnificent in its entirety—both his outer and internal self.

The room was rather dark, the only light coming from the small Christmas lights hanging overhead, igniting the room with dimmed colors of red, orange, green, blue, and pink.

I think he was admiring the sight of me, too, because we both stopped for a short while, looking at each other, until, finally, “That's it.” He said approvingly, leaning closer and planting a kiss on my lips. I hummed softly at the gesture. “Just like that...” He pulled out almost all the way before pushing himself back in almost _painfully_ slowly. “Keep your eyes on me.”

I felt his lips against mine again, and my mouth opened impulsively — no, instinctively — and within a second his tongue met my own.

Just as I closed my eyes to sink into the kiss, my eyes snapped open and I was in my room. The same room, but the difference being that he — _he?_ — wasn't here anymore, and my room was still bright with daylight coming in through the window.

Did I...

Really...

Have an erotic dream...

About Kageyama...?

No. _Hell no_. I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that I shouldn't be having _those_ kinds of dreams about someone who isn't my boyfriend. Maybe if I was still single—

Now I'm trying to say it's okay, if I wasn't with Kenma. It isn't. And I shouldn't be trying to brush it off.

Why was it so vivid anyway? It felt so real...

It took a few moments of me still trying to wake up to register that my hand had somehow found itself inside my boxers.

 _Shit_.

A single quick movement of pulling my hand out — and being _very_ glad my mom, or dad, or younger sister hasn't walked in — and rolling over to the edge of my bed to grab my cellphone. I flipped it open, totally ignoring whatever text Kageyama sent earlier and going straight for the ‘block’ button. Last thing I need is him messaging me when I'm dealing with shit like this. And, at school, I'm going to avoid him as much as possible. I'm sure Sugawara wouldn't mind setting for me during practice.

Afterwards, I had gone for messaging Kenma, my boyfriend. My boyfriend. _My. Boyfriend_. My... boyfriend...

My...

Ex-boyfr—

No.

What the hell am I thinking? It hasn't even been a whole 24 hours and I'm already thinking of that. No. I'm not going to do that. And I'm a terrible person for even thinking about it.

Should I tell Kenma?

No. He'd totally be pissed. He may break up with me.

He may break up with me.

No! I don't want that! I like him, okay?!

I just... should keep this to myself. I shouldn't even tell Sugawara. I mean, it isn't lying, right? I'm just... choosing not to disclose some information because it... might... be better for everyone if I didn't say anything about it...

  


* * *

  


I kept silent the whole week following that. I avoided Kageyama as much as I could and even pretended to be sick a couple times so I could do just that. I ended up missing a lot of practice, but I made up for it with some personal work-outs and mini training sessions at home.

Practice isn't the same like that, though, and I'm a little more than eager to get back to my regular practice in the gym with the rest of the team.

It was Friday now, and the last school bell had just gone off, signaling everyone to GTFO. I was the first in my class to shoot up like a rocket, already out the door and in the hallway and racing down the corridor with my bag over my shoulder, holding onto it so it didn't totally swing everywhere as I ran.

Why am I running?

Right. Kenma had told me that Friday was the best he could do because he was visiting a family member in the hospital Saturday, and he also had other family things to do Sunday. I figured I could run to the bike racks, message Sugawara to let him know I wouldn't be at practice, then race home to take a shower — _ahem_ make sure I smell good — then get ready to actually go. I would be leaving the house at around six, since we all decided to go out to eat before seeing the movie.

I came to an abrupt stop at the bike racks, bending over just enough to put my hands on my knees as I gave myself a few moments to catch my breath before walking to my bike. I unlocked the lock and placed it in the basket, grabbing the handle bars, and pulling it out of its spot. I was about to swing a leg over the bike when I heard my name being called.

“Shouyou!”

Oh no... I know that voice. I didn't even need to look to know it was Kageyama. One, because only him, Sugawara, and Nishinoya call me by my first name. And, two, because of his annoying voice. Can't mistake that.

I swung my leg over my bike, shoe coming down on the pedal.

“Damnit, Shouyou!”

_Shit, Shit, Shit!_

“Wait up!”

I brought my foot down and — ha — missed the pedal, shoe coming down onto the pavement as I stumbled a bit. The guy was still trying to run up to me, so I didn't _totally_ fuck up. I brought a foot back up and pushed down, starting to go forward. I got a couple feet away from there before my bike went too far to the left side and I went crashing to the ground with a thud and whirring of tires.

Well, someone's a cliché little klutz today, aren't they?

“Fu-hu-hu-huck” I breathed, lifting my body up and going to push the bike off of me. Soon enough, Kageyama was at my side, pulling the bike off quickly, though surprisingly carefully, before knelling down next to me on my left side.

“Are you okay? Where does hurt?”

He reached an arm out, but I smacked it away. He looked a mix of frustrated, hurt, angered, and shocked.

“I'm _fine_.”

 _“Really?”_ He raised a brow, facial expression going serious—to his ‘resting bitch face,’ mildly condescending look.

He reached a hand out, grabbing my shoulder suddenly, roughly.

“Ack!” I screeched, turning my body to the side in an attempt to get him to let go. He did.

“Doesn't seem ‘fine.’”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Then I'll _be_ fine.”

I wanted to try and get up but, that's the thing: ‘ _try_ to get up.’ I didn't want to fail and have Kageyama freak out and cut off a limb to help me.

“Are you mad at me?”

Well that was sudden. But not _totally_ unexpected.

I looked away from him, shuffling my body a bit on the ground. “... No.”

“You hesitated.” He said with a kind of sigh.

I rolled my eyes, pulling my legs in closer to my body to plant the bottoms of my shoes into the ground, hand pressing against the asphalt in preparation of bringing myself up to stand. I got about a third of the way up, knees still mostly bent, when I heard a quick ‘Wait,’ followed my a hand coming around my upper arm.

I think I'll find that ‘surprises’ will get increasingly more tiresome and I'll grow increasingly more agitated and hate them more and more.

My body wavered, my body not allowing opportunity to catch my balance before I went stumbling, left leg giving away and sending me crashing into Kageyama. I think even he was surprised, because he fell backwards, me still on top of him. He landed with a grunt and a low groan, and I let out a more pained cry. I _did_ just already fall off my bike hard enough as it is...

“Are you...” He croaked out, hand coming up onto my back, “... okay?”

I found myself pressed against him, side of my face coming into contact with his chest. He felt really warm. Even though it was an awkward position, I kind of melted into it. And, strangely, it managed to feel somewhat comfortable. Could I fall asleep? No. But could I relax? Yes. Does it hurt? _Yes_.

“Shouyou?” His voice picked up, sounding a little worried. He moved a bit, lifting his upper body and holding himself up by planting an elbow into the ground, hand still on my back. He brought his hand up and down in the small space there before parting my back. “Are you—?”

I lifted my head up finally, offering a little smile. “I'm okay.”

He nodded, looking as though he was suddenly filled with—

“Do you... wanna... get off of me now?”

Oh. Right. I gotta do that, huh?

I swallowed back, nodding and lifting myself up.

Kageyama sighed, sitting up, hand coming onto my right thigh. “Wait.”

I'd be lying if I said my leg didn't tingle — in a pleasant way — when he touched me. Just as soon as his hand came down onto me, it was off again. I, mostly-subconsciously, let out a quiet — almost totally inaudible — whine. He didn't seem to hear it. But he did, however, bring that hand under my chin as he leaned in closer to me. Before I could register what was happening, he pressed his lips against mine and then, a couple seconds later, he was gone.

My little whine that followed was slightly louder, though still mostly quiet.

“A-are you okay?” He sounded panicked. “I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't—” _Does he think he hurt me?_ “Do you—”

Get. Off. Shouyou.

With several pained noises, I managed to get myself into my feet, though I was hunched over, not quite able to stand up straight just yet. 

I think I _need_ to tell Kenma that. I mean, it isn't my fault right? Or is it? No. Kageyama kissed _me_. I had no control over it. Not my fault. I'm okay. I mean, I did take too long getting off and-and I listened when he said ‘Wait,’ but I couldn't have known he would do that.

Do I add in that it felt good when he touched me? And that I... wouldn't totally be against him kissing me again?

 _Shit_.

I went to bend over to grab my bike but — _of course_ — Kageyama was already doing just that, picking up my bike and holding the handlebars. “I can walk you home if y—”

“No.” I growled through clenched teeth, giving the raven-haired male a glare.

He stopped in his tracks, staring at me until I grabbed my bag, swung it over a shoulder and grabbed the handlebars, pulling them away from him roughly. I looked away, starting to walk to the main road like I always do. It seemed rather tempting to call my mom to pick me up because I wasn't so sure I could walk the whole way home like this...

  


* * *

  


Instead, I called Kuroo. I told him I fell off my bike and asked for a ride back home. I figured I could talk to him about what happened prior to the call, and get his input on it. Seemed well enough.

I ended it with telling him I was at Coach Ukai's shop, got an ‘Alright. See you soon.’ then just sat down outside, knees bent at their apex with my arms resting on top.

I waited a short while, managed to get a couple dollars from people thinking I'm homeless (That beat up, huh?), to which I shoved into my school bag. Finally, the familiar red truck pulled up and parked just ahead. I let out a content sigh, hand coming up behind me to press against the wall as I forced myself to stand again. I grabbed my bike and rolled it over to the truck, of which Kuroo had already hopped out and was ready to lift my bike into the back. I gave him a ‘Thanks.’ before climbing into the passenger seat.

Kuroo pulled himself in just beside me, shutting the metal door and grabbing his belt, pulling it over his body and clicking it locked. I did the same. Afterwards, he set off to drive again.

“Your house? Or, we could go to my house and you can borrow some of Kenma's clothes there...” He offered.

Tempting, but I'd have to decline.

“Uh, my... my house.” I said lowly. You could _feel_ the shame in my voice.

He nodded, “Alright, just tell me where to go, yeah?”

I nodded.

The truck was silent for a few minutes before—

“So do you plan on telling me what happened? Or...?”

“Oh. R-right...” I paused. “Well, I've been avoiding Kageyama, right? And he called to me after school today, and — ha — _obviously_ I hopped onto my bike quickly and started pedaling off... Buuut—”

“Why are you avoiding Kageyama?”

Oh. I never told him. Right.

“Well, he said he had a crush on me and, like, I'm with Kenma and...” I sighed, “You can read the messages if you want.”

“Mm... Sure. But after the story.”

I suppose that little bit of information is necessary either way. 

“Well, um, I fell off my bike and Kageyama finally caught up to me and, like, helped me. He asked if I was okay, but I said yeah, even though I hurt, like, _everywhere_. He asked where I hurt. I told him I was fine. He's like, ‘Really?’ and then grabbed my shoulder and... Ugh...” I absentmindedly wrapped a hand around my upper arm. “It fucking hurt. So, of course I'm gonna sound hurt...” I pointed somewhere to the left. “Take a left after that street.” I sunk back into the seat again. “He said ‘it doesn't seem fine.’ So I said ‘I'll be fine.’ A little while of nothing and he asked if I was mad at him...

“... Of course, I have no idea how to respond,” I laughed softly, “I told him ‘no,’ but he noticed my hesitation and called me out on it. I got annoyed and stood up, going to get on my bike but then my leg gave out and I fell to the side and onto Kageyama in the process. We both fell, he asked if I was okay, I said ‘I'm okay.’ Then got off of him after he's like ‘you wanna get off of me now?’” I scoffed a bit there, shaking my head. “Another left at the light...

“... So I'm about to get off, then his hand comes down onto my thigh here,” A gesture to my upper thigh, near my hips, “and he says ‘Wait.’ Um. And like. It felt weird—wh-when he touched me.”

“Like, a bad kind of feeling? Anxious?”

I shook my head. “I don't know.” _Oh, I guess we're telling lies now_. “But he got his hand off of my again pretty quickly but then, um...” _It isn't my fault. It isn't my fault. It isn't my fault_. “Then his hand came under my chin and he kissed me.”

The raven came to a quick, abrupt stop, the light going red soon thereafter. He turned his head, eyes narrowed, “He knows you're with Kenma?”

“Y-yeah...” I looked away, Kuroo becoming far scarier now.

“Piece of shit.” He growled in a hushed tone. 

Tell him.

Shouyou, tell him.

Tell him, dammit!

“I'm sorry.” I said in a pitiful time of voice.

Kuroo shook his head, “It isn't your fault, it's Kageyama's.”

“Yeah, but, I...” I pulled myself close to the passenger side door. “When he um, when he touched me it tingled. But it was, like, a good kind of feeling... I think.”

The male was quiet.

“And, I don't know if—I just...” I groaned, tilting my head back. “I don't know how I felt about the kiss. But I know I didn't totally dislike it.”

“... Stay away from him, okay?”

I swallowed back, blinking a couple times as I looked over at the male. “O-okay.”

“And I expect you to tell Kenma about that, too. Let him decide how to feel about it.”

 _About me liking what Kageyama did_...

“Um... The... dirt road there...” I said quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> —I wing basically every single thing in all my chapters of all these fics so far.
> 
>  
> 
> yooo... This chapter... I... Don't know how to comment on it.


	7. Nervous? Nervous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sighed again, turning his head towards me and downward. “Do you want me to be completely honest with you?”
> 
> It's not like he wasn't already rather blunt with his opinion as it was. Even so... hesitantly, I nodded. 
> 
> “I think it's in your best interest to not be in a relationship with Kenma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaand 2 months later, I finally update... The things depression can do to you, fam.

“Are you upset with me?” I asked Kuroo.

“... No comment.”

I clenched my teeth, lowering my head as I pulled the inside truck door handle before pushing the door open. I had one leg slide, body turned to fully hop out within a couple more seconds, but then Kuroo put a hand on my left shoulder. “Wait.” He told me. I looked over my shoulder towards him, blinking.

What's with basically everyone telling me to ‘Wait’?

He sighed, “I don't think I can particularly upset with you. It's not like I didn't see it coming that you liked Kageyama.” He paused, taking his hand off my shoulder to rest his arm on the top of the back of the seat. “It's pretty obvious to everyone there was something between you guys that stretched farther than just partners in volleyball.”

Wait, what?

“I guess, if I were to be upset about anything, it would be that you noticed the feelings while you're with Kenma and... I don't know.” He shrugged, looking away, both hands going onto the steering wheel. “I think I would describe that situation as ‘cheating,’ but you also didn't intend for it to happen. Just... accidental.” He sighed again, turning his head towards me and downward. “Do you want me to be completely honest with you?”

It's not like he wasn't already rather blunt with his opinion as it was. Even so... hesitantly, I nodded. 

“I think it's in your best interest to not be in a relationship with Kenma.”

Oh...

“But,” he continued on, “it could only be just until you figure things out. Like, figure out who you like more... Maybe it'll be Kenma, but I truly think it'll end up being Kageyama in the end.”

Would it?

I looked away from him, now just looking out at the concrete driveway. “You can go ahead and go. I'm all done here.”

I nodded quickly before sliding out and hopping down onto the concrete. I turned around, hand coming up on the outside of the truck door. I looked to Kuroo one last time before shutting the vehicle door, going to the back to grab my bike, and turning around, making my way up to my front door, of which I was quick to enter, leaving my bike right outside the door, and rushing up to my room, bag being tossed to the side.

I laid down on my side on top of my bed, curled up into a little ball, my phone in one hand as I typed out a text to Kenma, telling him what I told Kuroo. It took me awhile — several minutes — but I managed to finally send the text. After that, it was just me waiting around until he got back to me.

Finally, my phone buzzed, signalling I got a message. When I flipped my phone open, it was just from whom I expected: Kenma.

_KK, 6:56pm: [Wow...]_  
_KK, 6:56pm: [I mean, I'm surprised but...]_  
_KK, 6:57pm: [I kind of... expected it...?]_

_6:57pm: [What do you mean?]_

_KK, 6:57pm: [Ha. You're quick to answer.]_

Yeah, I've been waiting around for an hour.

_KK, 6:57pm: [But... I think everyone who's ever seen you and Kageyama together could tell you guys had something between you.]_  
_KK, 6:58pm: [I guess I am upset that you're with me, but you like somebody else, too.]_  
_KK, 6:58pm: [You did like me, right?]_

_6:58pm: [Of course I like you!]_

_KK, 6:58pm: [I don't really know what to say in this situation, to be honest...]_  
_KK, 6:58pm: [... So, you liked when he touched you? Did you like when I touched you?]_

I'm going to sound like a sell-body for this...

_6:58pm: [Yeah...]_

_KK, 6:59pm: [Have you liked Kageyama for awhile?]_

_6:59pm: [I don't know. I guess I didn't notice I might like him until now...]_

_KK, 6:59pm: [How long have you liked me?]_

_6:59pm: [Kind of awhile? Like, some time after we first met I felt something but, like, only recently did I realize that it was the feeling of a crush.]_

_KK, 7:00pm: [... Would you...]_  
_KK, 7:00pm: [Want to be with Kageyama? As boyfriends?]_

Well that's a good question...

_7:00pm: [I guess I'd want to try it.]_

Message marked as read.

No response.

_KK, 7:03pm: [I appreciate that honesty...]_  
_KK, 7:03pm: [... Do you think we should break up?]_

Oh...

_7:03pm: [Are you mad at me?]_

_KK, 7:03pm: [No. I'm fine.]_

_Please don't be lying to me_...

_7:04pm: [Maybe it would be better until I figure things out?]_

_KK, 7:04pm: [Alright.]_  
_KK, 7:04pm: [So, I'll talk to you later?]_

_7:04pm: [Are we cancelling plans?]_

_KK, 7:04pm: [If you want to. It may be a little awkward, though. So... wait a few days?]_

_7:04pm: [Yeah. You’re right. Okay.]_

On a scale from 1-10 — 1 being “I haven’t fucked up at all” and 10 being “I fucked up so bad, I’m going to need an icepack and few days of rest” — I think I’m a solid 72.

Mostly for douchey-ness. I mean, it’s — it _was_ cheating, wasn’t it? Even though I hadn’t quite intended for it to happen, it still did, and I didn’t do anything to stop it. And I liked it.

No—oh god I _loved_ it.

96, mostly for douchey-ness.

  


* * *

  


It had struck me later that day when I actually thought about it that I was a little more than too-honest with Kenma. I hadn’t even _tried_ to sugarcoat anything. That thought, among many others, had only left me pissed off.

What does an impulsive Shouyou do when he’s pissed off? Whatever the hell he feels like.

One of which apparently being me switching to third-person—talking about myself, to myself.

I grabbed my phone, flipping it open and going through my contacts before pressing the ‘Call’ button on one of them. He shall feel my wrath soon enough.

Waiting...

Waiting...

Wa—

“Hello? Hina-Hinata?”

I melted a little bit hearing my name with his voice.

No. What was the objective of this mission, Shouyou? To let him feel my wrath.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Why? Damn it!

“Shouyou?”

I bit down, clenching my teeth. Now _that_ made chills run down my back and I couldn’t help but sigh in a kind of contentment.

“So you are there? What do you need?”

Get it together!

I sucked in a breath, straightening my stature. “You’re a fucking asshole.”

A short pause before, “What?”

“You’re. A. Fucking. Asshole.”

“Well I got that much. I’m just wondering under what context—?”

“I’m sure you’ll be absolutely _pleased_ to hear that me and Kenma broke up.”

A chuckle on the other line.

The nerve!

“You failed the Language Arts test, didn’t you?”

“What the hell are you talking about!?”

“It’s ‘Kenma and I.’”

Mother f—

“Shut up!”

Another laugh from Kageyama.

“See? I told you you would be pleased to hear about it.” I growled, becoming more annoyed than when I started.

“No. I mean, it does leave opportunity, but—wait. Why, exactly, did you two break up?”

“I told him about you kissing me and—” I swallowed back. “—stuff.”

“Ah... Then, yes, I guess I feel a little bad because it’s my fault you two broke up.” He paused. “But, like I said, _it leaves opportunity_.” He drawled out the ‘it leaves opportunity.’

“If you think I would seriously get with you after all that—” _You’re right_. “—You’re fucking wrong.”

“Am I now?”

That. Fucking. Voice.

Ugh. It’ll be the death of me.

That tone... almost sounds sensual.

Is it?

“Y-yes...?”

He chuckled. “See, you’re like glass—totally transparent.” _Please kill me with your voice_. “Or—” he laughed, “—maybe like water—bland.”

I mumbled something under my breath.

“Oh? What was that?” He sneered.

“Shut up...” I grumbled.

“Make me.” He said with a sigh afterwards before adding, “Though it’d be nice to moan a little.”

I blinked.

“ _What_ ?”

He laughed softly. “Do you want me to repeat myself, Shouyou?”

My face was burning and I _swear_ my cheeks were actually on fire.

“N-no. I don’t need you to repeat yourself—”

“But you _want_ me to?”

“Stoppit...” I murmured, messing with the fabric of my shirt, eyes focused on my fingers.

“Mm... alright. Well, I guess I’ll be going—”

My head shot up, and I pushed the phone closer to the side of my head, feeling the slightly-cool metal against my scorching hot face. “Wait—!”

“Yes?” He said, drawling out that single word, seemingly, as long as he could.

“N-nevermind. Sorry...”

“No, tell me. I’ll do anything you want me to.”

I groaned, tilting my head back to look up at the ceiling for awhile before looking back at eye level, bringing a hand up to let my fingers press against my left temple gently. “I want to keep talking to you.”

“Alright... but I have one question. May I?”

“Ask away~” I hummed, trying to not sound completely nervous.

“Well, actually, I had one question, but now I have two—”

Oh, gods, help me.

“—First, would you like to meet up somewhere?”

“Meet up?”

“Yes.”

“For what?”

“For the second question. It’s...” he sighed, “it’s better to ask face-to-face.”

“Oh...” I chuckled, “You’re making me a little nervous, y’know...”

“I’m sorry.” He said quickly. “I wasn’t trying to. It’s alright, I promise. Nothing bad will come of it.”

I sighed. “Alright...”

“So... do you have anywhere you’d want to meet up?”

Let’s see... Do I feel like getting up? No. Not really... 

“Could you come over here? To my house?”

A long pause.

Shit. I messed up, didn’t I?

“Yeah. I could. ‘I’ll do anything you want me to,’ remember?”

“Had me nervous there, again,” I laughed softly, “Because you paused for awhile and I thought I did something wrong...”

“Oh, no, no, no. You’re perfectly fine. Try not to worry about it, okay?”

Too late.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“I’ll be heading over now. Give me an hour?”

“Yeah. Okay. However long you need~” I hummed.

“Alright,” he laughed softly again, “I’ll see you soon. ‘Bye.”

“‘Bye.” I said before pulling the phone away from my face, pressing the ‘End Call’ button and flipping in shut.

I suppose I have to get ready, too, don’t I?

  


* * *

  


I had barely gotten out of the shower when my mother called up to me. I wrapped the towel around my waist, walking to the bathroom door and opening it, popping my head out. “Yeah?” I called back down.

“Your friend’s here!”

Oh.

 _Oh_. Shit.

“Okay, um, just... just gimme a couple minutes to get clothes on!” I called down before walking around to my room, shutting the door behind me as I went about finding underwear, slipping those on, then some shorts and a sweater. I had barely slipped on the sweater over my head when my door opened. I looked over my shoulder to see that too-familiar face with jet black hair.

I furrowed my brows, pulling the sweater fully on and turning around to face him.

“You know, it’s not like you haven’t changed in front of me before.” He said, looking around my bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

True... that is... very true, actually.

“Well I needed to get underwear on, at least.”

The male walked over and pointed at my bed questioningly. I shrugged, “go ahead,” I told him before grabbing the towel, bending over slightly, and scrubbing it into my hair to dry it as much as it could before standing up straight. I told Kageyama I’d be right back before leaving the room, towel going into the hamper, and returning to the bathroom, picking up my clothes and walking back into my room, dropping them into the hamper.

I sighed, walking over to the other side of the bed—Kageyama being on the left side, though near the foot of the bed—and climbing up onto it, sitting down criss-crossed just past my pillows, arms resting on my knees, hands dangling.

“You took a very dramatic turn earlier. Being furious with me to being so...—how can I word it?—‘easily-accessible.’”

“What does that mean?”

“‘Wait,’ ‘I want to talk to you,’ and—my personal favorite—‘Can you come over here? To my house?’”

I went silent for awhile before finally asking for his second question.

The other boy pulled his legs up onto the bed before he slid back to get closer to me. He planted a hand into the mattress to hold himself up, leaning in towards me. “I wanted to know, if you would take up on an offer of mine.”

I tilted my head to the side slightly, “Okaaayy...”

“Would you be my boyfriend?”

And there we have my face heating up again.

I looked down quickly, bringing a hand up to cover the lower half of my face, mouth included, with the sleeve of my sweater. The sleeve of my one-or-two-sizes-too-big sweater. “Uh, d-didn’t I tell you that I _wouldn’t_ go out with you.”

“Shouyou,” he started, “ _Everyone_ knows you have a thing for me. Like I said, you’re transparent. Plus, you have to have known that I was going to ask you something like this when I asked to see you face-to-face yet...” he half-smirked, “you invited me to come to _your house_ —of all places.”

You’ve got me there.

“So, your true answer?”

“... Yes.” I said, still not looking up at him or, well, making any sort of eye contact with him whatsoever, really.

When I saw him move, I did, however, finally look up. He had sat up, now sitting on his knees, sitting and leaning in closer to me now.

“Good. I’m glad.” He whispered. “Do you mind if I steal another kiss from you?”

I swallowed back, blinking a couple times, looking down at the small space he left between us. Shortly after, I nodded and he wasted no time in grabbing my arm and pulling it away from my face gently, his antithetical hand coming up under my chin and tilting my head upwards before he leaned forward and settled his lips on my own.

He pulled away sooner than I would have liked, so as he pulled away from the kiss, I leaned forward, but he had pulled back too far for me to reach at that point. I whined softly at the loss. Kageyama heard and just tilted his head. “Did you want more?”

I nodded a little too-eagerly than I had expected or than I had wanted.

“Okay.” He leaned in again, applying another couple of quick kisses to my lips. “Tell me what you want me to do as we go, alright?”

I nodded again, eyes shutting. I hardly even noticed my lips part and tongue escape, swiping against his lips as cue for him to open his own mouth. He did so, and, within seconds, I was moaning into his mouth, arms having wrapped themselves around his neck at that point as I pulled him down with me, my body hitting the pillows behind me.

I hate to say it so soon but this feels about ten times better than when I was kissing Kenma.

I pulled away from him to reach farther down his body to pull his shirt up a bit. One cue once more, he stood up on his knees and pulled his shirt off for me. I sighed contentedly, hands stretching forward to let my hands travel all along his abs. He leaned down again and I was expecting a kiss, but he had butterflied kisses on my neck instead. I hummed as he went lower. Once he got to my neck, though, he bit into my collarbone—much harder than I expected.

I went to let out a cry of pain, but he quickly put a hand over my mouth to muffle my noise as he went to suck on the skin he had taken hold of. My scream melted into a moan and I hadn't even realized he had taken his hand off of my mouth to reach for my own hand. His hand slid up the underside of my arm before he entwined our fingers into one another.

His other hand reached for my open hand and took hold of it, guided it down to his bulge. Then, he sucked on some skin on my neck, eliciting another moan from me before I felt his dick twitch in my palm.

Part of me wanted to go farther—much farther; part of me wanted to stop. I went for a compromise—continue what we're doing now, with a little more _fun_.

I pulled my hand away, reaching up to settle my open hand at the nape of his neck. Soon thereafter, Kageyama had grabbed hold of me, arms wrapping around behind me, and pulled me up onto him so I was on his lap. He grunted as I settled my weight on him and I couldn't help but grind my hips like I had done with Kenma. And, oh my god, the noise that came out of Kageyama...

He dropped both hands onto my hips, thumbs pressing into my hip bones. He leaned in close, “Fuck, Shouyou, are you as painfully hard as I am?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, I just heard Kageyama's voice echoing inside my head, saying my name repeatedly.

“Shouyou?”

I blinked several times. “Huh?”

He laughed softly, laugh sounding mildly concerned, worried. “One kiss and I had you dazed like that?”

That was... a day dream?

“Not to mention...” I saw his eyes trail downward and couldn't help but look to see I had a hard-on. I swallowed back, face heating up as I pulled my sweater over my lap to cover it.

“S-sorry. Please don't tell anyone about that?”

He laughed more lively then. “It's okay. And don't worry about it. I'm just curious on what had you like that...”

“N-n-nothing! It was nothing!”

“Doesn't look like it was ‘nothing’...”

I grumbled something under my breath, averting my gaze from him. “I was just daydreaming.” I murmured.

“Oh? About what?”

“You.”

He half-smirked. “I'm glad just the _thought_ of me can get you like that. Wonder how you'd be if we actually did anything...”

“Pfft. You wish.” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“Obviously you do, too, so shush.”

“We have been together for approximately,” I raised an arm, looking at my nonexistent watch, “Seven minutes.”

“Seven?”

I nodded with a little smile.

“What’s with the number ‘seven’?” He asked, to which I only shrugged and fell over onto my side, plopping down on the bed, one arm bending and coming down under my head to act as a pillow.

“Well, now what?” I asked. Although... Kageyama was just staring at me with a certain _look_. “What’s that look for?” No response.

Several moments later, he finally smiled down at me fully (because before he had a little smile painted on his face). “You look incredibly cute right now.” He told me, a hand coming down to brush through my hair and continue to stroke my head. I pressed against his hand, closing my eyes in contentment. It felt so relaxing... I’m sure I could probably fall asleep just like this.

“Lay down with me.” I said finally, sitting up. Kageyama’s hand falling down to my shoulder. He stared at me a moment before his hand came off my shoulder and he was scooting up next to me, laying down with his head on my pillows. I chuckled softly. “You probably shouldn’t have told me you’d do anything I want.”

“Why’s that?” He asked as I laid down, head on top of his chest, one arm sprawling out across his stomach, the other just under me.

“Because I’m going to use it to my upmost advantage.”

“I wouldn’t mind you using me...” He murmured, handing coming back to brush through and ruffle my hair.


	8. This Is Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kissed me softly then hugged me tightly. My body was tense the whole time. Out of nowhere, he whispered. “I love you, Shoyo.”
> 
> And I felt a wave of emotion overcome me. I didn't feel anxiety, or fear, or distrust... I felt excited, content, pleased... So, almost completely impulsively, I told him:
> 
> “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate myself for this sfm
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warning: rape

A couple weeks had passed, and by then, the dust had settled; the awkwardness between Kenma and I had disappeared. Or, that’s how it seemed anyway. He and I still talked, though definitely not as much as we used to. I guess I couldn’t ask for much more. The way it ended—with me leaving him for Kageyama—was… I’ll just say “poor.” But enough about Kenma and I, and how much of a dick I was with that situation… Curiosity had settled itself on my shoulders. Curiosity about Kageyama. Or, rather, curiosity about a few particular actions of his from a short while before.

The Halloween party.

Of course, I could only ask him during our lunch break, or after school. It was only a matter of what time I would prefer to talk to him about it. Knowing myself, I’d procrastinate to the fullest. Meaning I’d wait until the end of the day, after school. My excuse is that I saw more pros with that route as opposed to talking to him during lunch. This way, at least, I could have plenty of time to talk to him. Uninterrupted.

So, I waited until the end of the day.

I decided to wait in the club room for him, knowing he’d come here no matter what. I had gone in later than usual, wanting the rest of the team to get dressed and go to the gymnasium. If Kageyama was there early and got dressed and all that, he’d go to the gym, too. If he didn’t see me in there, he was bound to come back to the club room looking for me. It’s just something he does now, since we started going out.

I’m not sure how long I had been waiting, probably twenty minutes, max, but, as expected, Kageyama walked through that very-familiar doorway into the club room, dressed in jogger shorts, a t-shirt, and a sports jacket. And there we stood, just a couple seconds of silence before he spoke.

“Why aren’t you in the gymnasium yet?”

I just stared at him, suddenly finding it difficult to open my mouth and talk to him. What the hell ever happened to my blunt self? I used to be able to say anything to even this guy, Kageyama, but… Something changed in the past couple of weeks since I’d been with him that I just… can’t quite speak my mind like I used to. 

He walked closed to me, raising a brow, hands in his jacket pockets, rolling his shoulders a bit. “Well?”

“Err… I, uh… I wanted to see you in private to—”

He chuckled. “What? Are you horny or something?”

I widened my eyes, blinking quickly. I guess my bluntness was drained, and siphoned by him. “Wh-I-I—no. No it isn’t that.” I grumbled with a huff, shaking my head and looking down at the flor. “I wanted to talk to you about something…”

I looked up at him for a moment, seeing his face drain of his prior amusement.

Crap! I messed up, bad.

“You aren’t thinking about breaking up with me, are you?”

“Huh?” My head shot up and I raised my hands to shake them in the air. “No, no, no! Of course not! It’s not-it really isn’t all that serious. I’m just... I'm just curious about something.” I lowered my hands slowly.

A long pause.

“... Okay…”

“You remember that Halloween party?”

His tone dropped. “What about it?”

 _Geez, he’s scary…_  
“The stairs thing? Yeah. You remember that? Ha. Of course you do. You were there.” _I’m rambling…_ “You stopped me from going downstairs. Why?”

“What does it matter?”

I could _feel_ the acid in his voice burning my skin.

“I-I was curious…? As to why you would have stopped me, out of nowhere and all…”

Another long pause.

“I forgot.” _You know, something tells me you didn’t..._ “Should have asked me a few weeks ago when it would have been fresh in my mind.”

I sighed, shrugging and going about grabbing my own jacket since, by now, I was also dressed for practice. “Yeah. I guess it really doesn’t matter…” I slipped my arms into the jacket before pulling it over my shoulders fully. I was about to walk past him, but I stopped myself in my tracks. “Buuut… Do you... remember grabbing my arm?”

“Yeah…” His voice laced with suspicion.

Aha...

“Why were you so...—what’s a good word?—forceful?”

“What do you mean?” _Why do I get the feeling you know exactly what I mean?_

“You grabbed my arm. I tried to pull away, and you squeezed my arm tighter to the point where it hurt and left a few small bruises.”

“I…” He took a step towards me, tilting his head to the side slightly. “I wanted to talk to you. Or maybe it was just that I wanted to tell you something. I don’t remember. I didn’t want you to go, I remember that much. But I ended up backing out of whatever I wanted to say, or do.”

I huffed. Not out of annoyance or disapproval or anything. Kind of like an ‘Oh, I see,’ I suppose. “Well, either way, it did hurt me…” I trailed off, starting to walk to the door.

I felt a hand come up on my right shoulder. Ha. I knew he’d do that. “And you know I’m sorry for that, right?” He asked. Rhetorically, I would assume. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.” He said, wrapping his arms around me to hug me from behind. Yeah... This feels nice. Comforting. Safe. “Can I make it up to you?” He whispered into my ear, chin resting on my left shoulder.

I chuckled softly. “By doing what, exactly?”

“Anything you want me to do.”

Let the record state that this wasn’t my original intent—to use this as some form of making him feel guilty. Of making him feel obligated to do something for me to make up for it so I’m not upset. But... let the record also state that I forgot my original intention; my original reasoning as to why I wanted to know in the first place. I guess it wasn't all that important since I forgot it.

“Anything?” I hummed in a drawl.

“Mmhmm....” I felt him nod once on top of my shoulder.

I turned around, pulling away… with... much les effort than I expected to. Usually, he would cling onto me a little more; hold me tighter. This time around, he let me go easily. That’s new. And unexpected. Borderline strange, since it’s unlike him. “Can I get back to you on that? After practice?”

He half-smirked, tilting his head to the side, taking a step closer and bringing a hand on my shoulder. “Or we can ditch practice for today?”

I laughed softly. “Tempting...”

Would I regret skipping practice? I mean, it's totally unlike both of us to skip practice, too, anyway… We really shouldn’t—

“Okay.”

Not listening to myself... That will likely get me in trouble somewhere down the road. But that's a problem that hasn't arose yet, so I don't need to deal with it now.

”So...” Kageyama drawled, walking around from behind me to stand in front of me, hand never leaving my shoulder. He stepped closer to me, hand finally dropping to my waist and just barely touching my back. “What will you have me do? Or do you not have any idea?”

I never know what I want. But he always seems to figure something out to make me content.

“You know me well,” I said with a breathy laugh. It felt like my skin was tingling where his hand was touching me. The sensation amplified itself as he pressed his thumbs into my hips before he slid his hands up and under my shirt. My head was tilted downward, eyes focused on his hands moving around underneath my shirt. His hands moved slowly, inching upward over my sides, then to my ribs.

“Raise your arms.” He said. I wasted no time in doing as he asked, and he didn't seem the least bit hesitant in pulling the shirt up over my head. He tossed the shirt to the side, momentarily taking his eyes off of me. He turned his head back to me, eyes on my chest, left hand on my waist, his right hand gracing my chin and tilting it upwards and to the side as he leaned in close to me and I sucked in a breath.

He stopped suddenly.

“You're shaking...” He commented. _Am I?_ “Nervous?” He asked, pulling away from me to make eye contact. I simply shrugged, averting my gaze. “We don't have to do anything, you know...”

“I know...” I breathed. “But... I'm kind of curious on what it's like to... To have sex.”

“So...?”

“So...” I said, taking a step away. “Could we, um... maybe... Go to your house?”

Silence.

I looked up at him. He seemed to be thinking.

“Alright.” He turned away and walked a little bit a ways, picking up my shirt he tossed and handing it to me. I was quick to pull the article of clothing over my head and body, shoving a couple of things into my bag before skipping out of the club room after Kageyama. I shut the door behind us, now walking side-by-side with the taller boy.

We'd only been together-together for a couple weeks, but I'd also known him for a few months prior. And... And this is me trying to justify myself and not seem “easy.”

Hell, maybe I am.

But I think I'd only want to do this with him. With Kageyama. I trust him. I feel safe with him, around him. I lo—

No.

No, no, no, no. Don't bring heavily strong feelings into this, Shoyo. He may not even feel that deeply about you. You don't want to feel that crushing weight of disappointment. So just... just leave it.

* * *

I leaned my bike against the fence around the front porch of his house, grabbing my bag from the basket and pulling it onto my left shoulder. I followed Kageyama inside after he unlocked the front door, slipping my shoes off and leaving them in the entryway as I followed him down the hall. He'd already shut the door at that point. I noted him pulling out his phone from his pocket. He pushed a door open, allowing the light from inside the room to leak out into the mostly-dark hallway. I peered around the corner into the room.

“Your bedroom?”

He nodded but didn't turn around to look at me, just set his own bag down next to his desk while his phone was placed down on top of the wooden surface. He finally turned around then. “You can put your bag down anywhere...” I nodded a couple times, opting to just set the bag down right next to the door. I had barely stood up straight again before Kageyama's hand took hold of my own as pulled me closer to him. I stumbled but quickly regained my balance, taking a few uneasy steps forward as he walked backwards and closer to the bed, sitting down on the edge.

I bit at my lip out of nervousness, climbing up to sit on his lap, knees pressed into the mattress and hands on his shoulders. He wasted no time in leaning forward to press his lips against mine. I felt his tongue barely gracing my lips, compelling me to open my mouth, doing what he wanted. With how eager he was—hungry, even—it was like he'd been waiting a whole lifetime just for this. That made me a bit anxious...

He pulled away from the kiss, looking down as he grabbed the bottom edges of my shirt, pulling it up. I, a little hesitantly, raised my arms and let him pull my shirt off.

Weird. At the idea of doing it, I was excited. Now that I'm about to do it, I'm unbelievably anxious. Funny how that works. But I'd guess it's just because it's my first time.

“We don't really have time for foreplay before my parents come home from work,” he murmured, hands on my waist and thumbs pressing into my skin. “That okay with you?”

My heart was racing and I could feel myself shaking slightly. Barely noticeable. It was only then that I really felt like I didn't want to do this yet.

“Tobio, I—” He suddenly stood up, picking me up with him before turning around and lowering me down onto the bed. He already started messing with the hem of my shorts and pulling them down. Instinctively, my hands shot down to grab his. “W-wait—”

“Hey... It's okay, Shoyo...” He said in a low voice.

He tried moving my hands, but I wouldn't budge. After a few seconds, he climbed up onto the bed with me, hovering over me before lowering his head to kiss me. “Just relax...” I was on edge and I swear I was hyper-vigilant and totally aware of everything but... But somehow he managed to pull my underwear off as well. When he pulled away finally, I looked down to see that I was completely naked, and he had managed to pull his own bottoms down just enough to get his dick out.

My shaking was noticeable at that point.

“Tobio, w-wait—!” Within a couple seconds he had turned me over so that I was bent over the edge of the bed, thrust into me, and I swear I could hear an audible tear, followed by my own cry of pain.

He lowered his head, kissing my neck. He remained motionless for several seconds as he began to bite at the sensitive skin of my neck and suck on it. It definitely wasn't anywhere near the pain I was feeling from him thrusting himself into me. “It's okay...” He whispered.

All of what he was saying as comfort, reassurance, whatever, wasn't helping.

“St-stop—” I croaked.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes but I'll be damned if I'm going to cry here. Instead, I chose to suck it up. He pulled his head away, hands coming onto my hips. Then, he began to slowly pull himself out and push himself back in. And I, in an attempt to cover my noises, covered my hands over my mouth.

I like to believe he just didn't hear me when I said “wait,” or “stop.” You know, “Whatever helps you sleep at night”?

It didn't last very long before we heard the front door open and Kageyama was quickly pulling himself out and fixing himself. He walked over to his bedroom door, hand on the knob as he stood for awhile before twisting it. He looked over his shoulder, “Get yourself dressed, okay? I'll be right back.” And then he stepped out into the hallway and closed the door.

I tried to stand up. I really did. But just as I lifted my upper body off the bed, I was stumbling to the side and then tumbling and falling to the ground with a thud and a half-lived cry of pain. Half-lived because, just as it erupted from my throat, I slapped my hands over my mouth. I laid there for a short while before sitting up, wincing at the pain that shot through my body. I stood up, finally, and went about getting my underwear on, then my shorts, then my shirt. After that, I was crawling into the bed and laying down on my stomach.

I hated that feeling. Never felt such a great pain before in my life...

Some time later, the door opened and I looked to see Kageyama in the doorway. “My mom said you could spend the night, if you want to...”

I swallowed, pushing against the mattress and sitting up. “I...” _really don't want to..._ “have some family thing to do. S-sorry...”

He raised a brow and narrowed his eyes. I thought he was going to say something about it. But, instead, he just rolled his shoulders back and nodded. “Alright... I can walk you home.”

I bit at my lip, sliding off the bed and standing up slowly. “C-can your mom drive me? I don't mind leaving my bike here...”

“Are you okay?”

Is that really the question you're going to ask me?!

“I really hurt, Kageyama...”

He walked over to me before wrapping his arms around me. I flinched, body tensing. “Oh, baby... I'm sorry...”

_Are you?_

“I'll... go talk to my mom, okay?”

I nodded slowly, eyes focused on the ground.

* * *

His mother drove me home, and Kageyama walked me up to my front door.

He kissed me softly then hugged me tightly. My body was tense the whole time. Out of nowhere, he whispered. “I love you, Shoyo.”

And I felt a wave of emotion overcome me. I didn't feel anxiety, or fear, or distrust... I felt excited, content, pleased... So, almost completely impulsively, I told him:

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me.


	9. Color Me Disgusted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I stopped just as his hand hit the archway of the door, grasp it tightly, and lean in closer to me. “Don't bullshit me.”
> 
> “What are you—”
> 
> He raised a hand, and I thought he was going to hit me, but he just extended the index finger of his right hand, pressing it to the sternum of my chest. “What did I just say?”
> 
> I went completely silent.
> 
> A short while passed of just me remaining silent. The taller male pulled his hand away from me and stood up straight, looking down at me. I lowered my gaze into the floor. 
> 
> “You've been ignoring me.”
> 
> “I wasn't trying to... I've just been busy with school work all day.”
> 
> I saw him step closer. I stepped back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wouldn't it be nice if I wrote better? Yeah. And I probably would—if I wasn't stuck using my phone to type all of this up.
> 
> ... And I would update more frequently (and maybe write a little better? Get more detail? idk) if I wasn't dealing with my ups and downs of depression.
> 
> (Oh! Would you look at that? It would appear I am giving excuses to/about my problems~)
> 
> I don't want people to feel bad for me—like, seriously, please don't; it's in no way any of your faults—or feel like I'm seeking attention. I'm really just trying to not have people be upset with me for my inactivity and such, and I'm doing this by trying to give an explanation; by trying to explain myself (ha. just like i always did~).

You know that feeling when you wake up and remember things that happened before you fell asleep, and you think that, for a little while, it was maybe just all a dream? Sometimes, that feeling can make you feel better, or worse, than how you felt before. Like if you finally got the courage to ask your crush out, and they said yes—you're just in deep denial that it did, in fact, happen; but then you remember it did really, truly happen. And it's one of the best feelings you could ever feel. That beautiful wave of euphoria; that beautiful sense of accomplishment.

As for me? I felt that overwhelming wave of disgust; that overwhelming sense of disappointment.

I decided that everything that followed hereafter would be solely my fault.

I mean— _honestly_ —how much of an idiot could I possibly be? What was I thinking? I should have done something— _anything_. I could have hit him—given, that probably would have just pissed him off and set me up for punishment, but it would have been a better attempt than what I really did: nothing—or I could have shoved him away, or I could have cried out for help or made just some sort of noise to alert someone to come into the room. It didn't even have to have been “Help!”, I could have just—hell, I don't know...—knocked something heavy over, make someone think someone got hurt.

That's not very far from the truth, now, is it?

A part of me, I guess, thought for awhile that maybe I should break up with him—(Save myself some trouble, y'know?)—but I just... couldn't. As for the other part? Well, it thought ‘Kageyama's my partner, and we've come a long way together...’; it thought that Kageyama wasn't cruel; it thought that he really did mean it when he said he was sorry. In the back of my mind, I think I always knew... 

“Look, I'm not calling you a liar. It's just that—”

“That you don't believe me?”

“Precisely!”

I looked to the right of me, seeing a couple girls talking several seats away. One of the two was sitting in the chair, the other was standing in front of the desk.

“That makes absolutely no sense.”

“I don't believe you; but—my not believing you does not negate the idea that you could actually be telling the truth.”

“I'm still not understanding what you're trying to say.”

The girl who was sitting down shrugged, “Well, it doesn't much matter if you don't understand—” stood up, “—Think about it, maybe you'll get it eventually.” and then left, leaving the other girl alone to lather in her frustration. I'll have to admit, the one who walked away seemed rude—(I collected this opinion of mine with her last couple of sentences she said before leaving the room)—but I don't know any context, so I can't really pinpoint who's in the wrong, and if the girl who was rude was out of line or justified.

Oh well. It shouldn't matter to me anyway—just some girl-on-girl drama that I'm in no way involved with. Hearing them talk outside my thoughts... I just got curious. Naturally. But I doubt I'll hear about that bit again, so I'll discontinue thinking on that now.

It was lunch hour, but I had no desire to leave the room I was in. After all, I was ignoring Kageyama the best I could for the next few days... but, that morning, when I first thought of that plan, I hadn't thought about what I'm going to do during practice.

I could skip it entirely, but, one: I don't want to, 'cause I really love volleyball; two: it's unlike me and people will question it; three: one day? Sure. But two?-three?-four days in a row? No. That just loops back around to the second half of point number two.

I guess I could just ask someone to try and teach me how to serve. I mean, I think it's near impossible, but it'll give me reason to avoid Kageyama. I just need to ensure he doesn't try to take up those reigns.

I'll worry about that when the time comes around, though. Because, right now, it's just making me nervous thinking about it...

* * *

Before recently, when the bell rang for last class, I was always the first one up out of my seat, and, even if I was on the other side of the room, I was always the first one out of the classroom, too. Now, for my little plan, I would have to lag behind as to waste as much time as I possibly could. So, while everyone rushed to pack up their things and get out the door, I continued to work on my class work—all the way up until the last student walked out, and even then, I let myself finish the rest of the page. (I had three questions left at that point.) Then, I packed up my things and stood up, walking out the door at a casual—though slowed-down—pace.

I made sure to take the long route to the club room, and, by the time I got there, it was obvious the rest of the team had been in here to get changed into their gym clothes. Everyone's bags were in there, scattered around the room, with their uniform relatively nearby. I even saw Kageyama's bag in the farthest corner of the room which meant I was safe until I got to the gym, for the time being.

I set my bag down on the floor next to the door. I raised my right arm, pressing my palm against the wall as I slipped my shoes off and pushed them against the wall. I got undressed out of my uniform and into my practice clothes quickly. Well, it was still slow, just faster than I originally planned. I slipped my shoes on and tied them, standing up straight. For a moment, I thought about skipping practice—‘just for today,’ I told myself—but I ended up reaching for the door handle, not my bags strap. Looks like I was going to go to practice.

I twisted the handle, opening it and barely had the door opened enough to get myself out when I noticed that tall figure looming over me. I was pretty sure I stopped breathing at that point.

I swallowed back quickly, the lump almost slicing through my throat—(that's what it felt like, anyway)—before pulling the corners of my mouth up into a smile. “Hey, Kage—”

I stopped just as his hand hit the archway of the door, grasp it tightly, and lean in closer to me. “Don't bullshit me.”

“What are you—”

He raised a hand, and I thought he was going to hit me, but he just extended the index finger of his right hand, pressing it to the sternum of my chest. “What did I just say?”

I went completely silent.

A short while passed of just me remaining silent. The taller male pulled his hand away from me and stood up straight, looking down at me. I lowered my gaze into the floor. 

“You've been ignoring me.”

“I wasn't trying to... I've just been busy with school work all day.”

I saw him step closer. I stepped back.

He shut the door with the back of his foot. “Since when have you kept up with school work like that?”

_Shit...!_

“Uh, my, uh, my mom recently talked to me about my grades. She took my phone, too. Which is... why I didn't text or, uh, or call you...” I slowly looked up.

He was silent for awhile.

“Alright...” _Yes! He bought it!_ “I'd better not find out you're lying to me.”

I nodded, hoping he didn't notice me gulp.

He smiled, tilting his head slightly. He brought a hand up to cup my cheek. For a second, he actually looked sincere. Then, his look turned dark. “You don't want to lie to me, Shouyou...” He leaned in a little closer, “Do you understand?”

I didn't respond.

Suddenly, his hand went to the back of my head, grabbed my hair, and pulled my head back. I let out a small, quick cry of pain and winced, shutting my eyes tight. I felt his other hand slide under my shirt and grab my hip, fingers pressing into my skin. His lips graced my ear. “Do you understand?” he repeated lowly, but more harshly. 

“... Yes.”

His grip on my hair loosened and I felt his lips touch me lower, pressing against my neck gently and applying a few kisses onto my skin. My skin tingled. His mouth opened and I felt the pain of his teeth digging into my skin and let out a whimper, starting to push him away. He stopped biting and started sucking on the skin there. The small amount of strength I had that was trying to push him away was nonexistent at that point. My whole body relaxed and it felt like I was melting, my body heating up. I didn't want to, and I tried to suppress it, but I ended up moaning.

I heard him chuckle breathily before going to another spot and biting some skin there too before sucking on said skin. I had both hands on the front of his shirt, holding the fabric tight in my fists. Again, I moaned, and I was mentally cursing myself for being so damn weak.

“K-Ka—” I choked out, hands now patting his chest. “—Kageyama!” He stopped, pulling himself back and looking at me, very obviously annoyed. “We need to get to practice or the team will come looking for us.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “That isn't a problem.” He still held my hip, but he turned his body enough to face the door. I watched as he locked the door, biting at the inside of my bottom lip.

“But—! Daichi has a key to the room.”

“Doesn't matter.” I opened my mouth to protest again, but he spoke up. “You trust me?” He turned his body slowly to face me fully again, brow raised.

_No._

“Yes.” I said with a little nod.

_Not like I did before..._

He smiled, face softening. “Good.” He leaned in to give me a quick kiss on the lips, his free hand coming up to brush through my hair. “So believe me when I say we'll be fine, okay?”

“O-Okay...”

“Good boy,” he cooed. His thumb, of the hand that had previously been brushing through my hair, was now against my cheek, stroking my skin there gently. He pressed his lips to mine for a few seconds before he pulled away a bit. “Anything in particular you want to do?” _Leave..._ “Or should I just go ahead?”

“I-I want to. Because, um, it's you, but, um, I just–I just don't really feel like doing anything right now.”

He was silent for awhile but shrugged and pulled himself away farther. “Just right now? Or today in general?”

Guess I could test the waters...

“Uh. Today...? Maybe rain check until to...morrow?”

He tilted his head, “Come on, Shouyou...” He urged me. “Just do a little bit of something? Just for a few minutes is all I'm asking...”

“... Not today.”

He huffed, rolling his eyes and turning away from me. He reached for the lock—

“Wait—are-are you mad at me?”

“No.” He grumbled.

“You sound mad...” I murmured, taking a couple more steps back while he was still turned away.

“I'm irritated,” he told me.

Kind of the same thing.

“... Because of me...”

He may be treating me poorly, but I couldn't stand the thought of him being upset with me.

He turned halfway towards me, raising his hand slightly, like someone would signal ‘stop.’ “Just forget it, okay?”

“But—” He shook his head and turned away again, unlocking the door. Right as he grabbed the handle—(I'm going to hate myself for this.)—“What would you want me to do...?” I heard the lock click again.

He stood there without saying or doing anything for a few moments. He didn't let go of the handle as he turned his body more towards me, his head following with it to look at me. “It would be nice if we could finish what we started at my house yesterday.”

I knew he was going to go there. But I won't praise myself for that, anyone could've guessed that.

“So... would we...” I looked down, “leave now and go to your house?”

“We don't have to,” He stepped away from the door and walked past me. I slowly looked over as he went to his bag and started rummaging through it. A little while later, he stood up and turned around to look at me again. “Because I brought some things here with me.”

I looked at his hands. Internally, I sighed and groaned. I could tell one thing of the two was a condom, the other was a tube of whatever-the-fuck, point is I didn't know wha— _oh_.

“Y-you want to do it in here?”

“I figure it's more privacy than outside in the woods, or in a bathroom.”

“Okay...” I murmured.

He held the two things in his left hand, turning to his bag again, taking of his jacket and sprawling it on the floor. He had to have known I'd give in or something; or, he knew that he'd have some sort of opportunity to do whatever he wanted, since he came prepared. It didn't matter if I said yes or no, I figured, so it's not like I could protest. I could leave right now, run for the gym. But I didn't. My legs wouldn't move and I didn't know exactly why. I assumed it was fear—he's bigger than me, stronger than me, so I wouldn't last long in a fight with him. Maybe that's why I didn't try to run. Then again, I thought I was faster than him; but that's mainly just with running, so, if I made an attempt for the door, he may get to me before I have time to open it or to even unlock it.

“Come here, Shouyou.” I did as I was told. He was sitting on the jacket, and right when I got over to him, he grabbed my arm and pulled me down. I didn't fall or anything, but I did stumble and follow-through with the rest so I wouldn't fall. He pulled my shirt off before laying me down on my back to take my pants and underwear off. I kept my eyes off of him the entire time. He pulled me back up into a sitting position and took his own pants and underwear off, along with his shirt. I heard plastic for a short moment, then squelching, and then he was lifting and pulling me closer to him. His hands were under both my thighs as he aligned himself and I stared at the ceiling. Then, he let me down. Slowly. I bit the inside of my lip to try and not make any noise because _fuck_ did that hurt.

Once I was fully down, his hands came up onto my hips and he laid down on his back fully, using his bag as a kind of pillow. I felt his fingers press green into my skin as he lifted me up a ways. He shoved me back down and thrusted his hips upward in sync. I think I drew blood in my mouth at that point. And I quickly confirmed this when I tasted that familiar metallic taste soon after. I guess I could admit that it didn't hurt as much as the first time, but it still did hurt. And I'd continue to complain about these things, but I'd also continue to find that I'd do absolutely nothing to fix these problems that I keep letting pile up.

He did those actions a few more times before he went faster and harder. I had my brows furrowed, still looking upward, my palms pressed against his chest, as I let out gasps with each of his thrusts. After a little while longer, he slowed down to a stop. It was only then that I looked down at him. “Does it not feel good to you?”

I swallowed back quickly. “What?”

“You're not moaning at all.”

“Oh... I'm... a little embarrassed...”

“Why?”

“Eh... I just-I just don't like them, is all.”

 _I'm not going to moan if it doesn't feel good and just hurts_...

“Well I do, so don't worry about me judging them or anything. Just let them out.”

I nodded slowly a couple times. He let out a huff before pressing his fingers into my hips more, imprinting green and blue there, then he continued with his thrusts. To please him, and to hopefully not piss him off, I decided I'd just fake the moans. It was the best I could do, I figured.

I lifted my chin again, parting my lips and letting out a small ‘tester’ moan. Just a quick, little forced one to see how it sounded; to see if it sounded ‘authentic’ enough. I heard Kageyama chuckle, so I guess it sounded good enough. I decided to get louder.

“Gah-Ah! Ah!” I dug my nails into his skin slightly to add effect. I also soon regretted my decision when he began to go even harder, not faster, just... harder. It hurt more then, but I feared what would happen if I tried to pull myself away. I guess it didn't quite hurt to try anything, right...? I looked down at Kageyama, panting, “C-Can you... not go so hard... p-please?”

He did so but, of course, asked why.

“It just, um, was starting to really hurt...”

“Oh...” He sat up, hands still holding my hips, and pressed his lips to mine. “I'm sorry, Shouyou.” He laid back down, having started going slower and softer. “Better?”

I nodded.

He kept going, thrusting upwards and pulling my body down in sync. After awhile, he asked if I was ‘close.’ I just shrugged, shoulders shaking ever so slightly with me. He pulled out of me completely and I thought he was done for a split moment... right up until he got onto his knees and turned my body a bit before I did the rest to face away from him. He pushed the back of my head down to the floor. Not hard, surprisingly, just enough to let me know it's what he wanted me to do. He got behind me, shoving himself back in, and I let out a choking sound, then he wrapped his left arm around my body, his chest against my back, his right hand wrapping around my dick as he began jerking me off. He continued to thrust in and out of me from behind and pumping me in front simultaneously.

I'd never want to admit it, but his hand actually felt a little good, and my moans then were real.

“Ah... Ah... Ha-aah! Ahh!”

One final thrust from him and a few low moans—I assumed he came at that point—and a few more pumps for me, and then I was cumming too.

We sat there a minute before he pulled out and did whatever he did. I just immediately went to get my clothes back on, not caring what he was doing. I soon found that I couldn't quite stand up on my own, I was just too damn sore and achy.

“You okay?” He asked.

“It really hurts...” I said lowly. He came over to me, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and helping me to my feet and helping me get fully clothed.

“I can call my mother again, if you want? And just say you fell during practice—”

“No, no. It's fine. I'll... call my own mom...”

“Okay.” He said with a smile, kissing my forehead. “I love you, Shouyou.” he said before kissing my lips.

I hesitated, but still followed-through. “I love you, too, Tobio.”

... In the back of my mind, I think I always knew of his true—much darker, much more sadistic—intentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's also really hard to write chapters—especially the last one—because I am basing certain scenario's based on personal experience. Of course, changed up a bit as to not totally give myself away (on the off chance the person/people who know read this). And it won't be _every_ scenario like the previous one. Just some of 'em.


End file.
